About five months ago I signed my oldest son up for a tutoring program. Before he began I had a conference with the director of the center to talk about his tutoring needs. I told her about his diagnosis (autism) and about how well he is doing. I guess she missed the concept of ‘how well he is doing.’ She clearly didn’t understand the truth that autism is an environmentally based medical issue and is therefore treatable and recoverable. I say this because at one point during our discussion she began talking about a community that is being planned for adults with autism. This community will provide adults with autism with a place to live and responsibilities to attend to. It sounded like a wonderful program that will no doubt benefit many people. But it’s not the future I see for my son.
I was shocked to hear her talk about that community as if that is where my son is headed. Looking back now I feel a little silly at how shocked I was. When I think of her point of view objectively, I remember that the idea that autism is treatable and recoverable is a minority view. I realized that I have been living in a bubble of sorts. I surround myself with people who think like I do and have the same expectations for their children.
About two months ago, three different people gave me the same advice over the course of two weeks. It was not advice I had ever heard before so the repetition of it from distinctly different sources gave me pause. I felt strongly that it would be WRONG to ignore the message that was so obviously meant for me.
Surround your child with positive affirmations.
I immediately complied (immediately after the THIRD request. HA!) and put sticky notes with positive thoughts all around my house. My husband thought I had lost my marbles, but it wasn’t long before he joined the madness. “Honey, I think Scout (our dog) needs a note on his water bowl that says ‘I am not itchy.’ ”
It wasn’t long before I discovered that it wasn’t enough for me to affirm positive change for them. I needed to positively change myself first. If I woke up growling like an angry dog, there was no way my children could possibly have a good day. Not. Possible. But even more exciting was the discovery that if I was filled with a positive attitude that I could significantly change the energy of my children. If I approached my children with peaceful, loving and kind thoughts, words and deeds, then their thoughts and attitudes would change to match mine.
I discovered our energies are inextricably linked.
So I have begun praying, manifesting, visualizing the best day for my children. Even before I get out of bed I begin this process and I continue it all day long. I visualize them attending to the tasks that need to be accomplished before they go to school. I visualize my children getting along well together and working together to solve their problems. I visualize them making good choices at school and getting all their work done. You get the idea.
Be present in the moment. Visualize. Guide. This was the hardest part of the change for me. If left to my own devices, I get caught up in my own thoughts and run on autopilot to get through the routine of the day.
No doubt we still have our tough moments. When I find myself working with my son to deal with a downward spiral moment, I work hard to take control of my thoughts and how I am reacting to him. Once he starts that downward spiral, I find we just have to endure it until it ends. I find it ending more quickly when I’m not joining in with him and spiraling down myself. I accept this as part of the healing process. I realize that we are generally moving in a positive recovery direction and that this is a temporary bump in the road. When he’s finished, I give him a big hug and tell him I love him, and then we move on together.
I am seeing my children’s lives changing quickly by changing our thoughts, attitudes, and expectations at home. However, that is not quite enough. I am carefully examining outside influences too. What about school teachers? Therapists? Other caretakers? Family members? What are their thoughts, attitudes and expectations of our children? Are they contributing positive or negative energy to our children?
Every person who has a significant influence on my child’s future needs to have the same expectations for him that I have. Back to the tutor. During our last meeting I began to talk about a specific program that I am using on my children. I gave her specific improvements that I’ve been seeing and what I expect to see in the future. I could see a light bulb turning on in her head as I describe how simple movements and applied hands-on therapy can produce new neural connections in the brain. I am working to evolve her thinking so that her expectations of my son will rise to meet my own.
A good friend of mind is healing from cancer for a second time. She is on the verge of ‘firing’ her oncologist. We’ll call him Dr. Death. She said it’s like Dr. Death expected her to get sick a second time. He gave her no feelings of shock or surprise that she became ill again. She said it seems like now his expectation is that she will die. She rightly wants a doctor who believes recovery is possible. She needs Dr. Goodhealth. She needs the support of a doctor who believes that SHE can heal. She wants to surround herself with positive thinking people and positive energy.
I have another conference scheduled at the tutoring center in a few weeks. I plan to politely, lovingly unload the truth of autism as an environmental illness. The truth that these children can get better and many can completely recover. I will share with her the goals that my son has outlined for himself. Those goals entail an institution after high school. But not the kind of institution the tutor has in mind.
With the gift of deeper thoughts that my son has been given by Dr. Svetlana Masgutova’s method of brain integration and remapping, my son has decided that he wants to go to the kind of institution that will allow him to earn an engineering degree.
Now it’s my job to make sure he’s surrounded by positive, supportive people who believe in him and the right opportunities to help him achieve his goals.
For more information on Dr Svetlana Masgutova, please visit masgutovamethod.com.
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