Confessions of a Military Wife and Autism Mom: Perspective in a Pawn Shop

Many years ago before, when I was a working woman and before “autism” and marrying a Marine, I was the most materialistic person on the planet. I had the best clothes, makeup and jewelry — I had it all! Or so I thought.

Now three years after recovering my son from of moderate/severe “autism,” I truly realize just how much all of that meant nothing. Today I had to gather up my two children and drive to a rather rough part of San Diego to pawn the last of my rings. Diapers are getting low (I have a two-year-old son as well, who is thus far neurotypical), food is getting low (I REFUSE to feed my children chemical-laden GMO food, even if at times I go without), and gas in the car was getting low. So into the pawnshop I walked, emotional because these last two rings had huge sentimental meaning to me, and I was greeted by a really nice worker. He offered my two boys lollipops. I was floored: they were organic non-GMO lollipops! He saw how happy I was about that, and of course it lead to me telling him about my son’s story. The vaccine injury that tipped him into oblivion at 15 months, how I refused to accept the fact that my son had “autism,” and how I fought to get him back and won. But it didn’t happen without a cost, and that’s why I was there today. Oftentimes people think military personnel and their families live “the good life,” which is a huge misconception. For many military families, especially those seeking alternative care against the mainstream, the costs of treatments are not covered as they are deemed “experimental,” but if I am willing to give my son a hefty dose of anti-psychotics . . . ? Well sure! Fully covered, and we will throw in some extras! No thanks. That exact type of thinking is what led to my son receiving an “autism” diagnosis.

While processing my transaction, he opened up to me and said, ” Maybe you can help my sister? She’s 12 and was just recently diagnosed as well.” I proceeded to give him what resources I could and told him I would do anything I could to help — at no cost. As he gave me cash for my items, I was starting to tear up, and he said “You know those things you just sold are just that — things. I feel you are an angel from Heaven put here on this earth to help others and will someday be paid back double-fold.” I thanked him and gave him my email for any help he needed with his sister. He gave me a huge handful of lollipops, and I got my boys and left.

Once we got in the car, the floodgates opened and I sobbed. I don’t like crying in front of my children, but I couldn’t help it. From the backseat I hear this little five-year-old voice, from the kid once considered nonverbal with moderate to severe “autism,” “Why are you crying mom? It’s going to be okay. You’re tough. This is nothing!” So I pulled myself together and messaged some of my fellow Thinking Moms about what just happened. In reply, Alison, or Mama Mac as you may know her, said, “All of that right there is the raw, the horrible and the grace of autism.” She couldn’t have said it any more perfectly.

In my journey I have seen other families lose their homes, lose their marriages, and lose their own health in the sacrifices they made for their children — and it’s not just for alternative treatments. The basics like ABA and occupational and speech therapies are not being covered by insurances at a price tag of thousands of dollars a year. What I encountered today is what most people do not see about today’s “autism.”

I am so grateful for that man in the pawnshop today who helped me regain my perspective. I am grateful I could give him a new take on treatment for his sister. All the things I have sold from my past life were all worth it, and, if I ever have to do this again, I am prepared with the knowledge that “Things are just that — things.” But the sound of my son’s voice is priceless.

Semper Fidelis,

~ Spartan

Check out Maria in her interview 7 pm tonight with Beth Lambert of the Canary Kids Film Project as they talk further about Autism in the Military on Fearless Parent Radio!
http://fearlessparent.org/fearless-parent-radio/upcoming-shows/

Spartan hails from NY where she once worked in mainstream healthcare. Since marrying her Marine husband in 2006, she has been everywhere from North Carolina to Okinawa, Japan where she received her son’s autism diagnosis at age 18 months. Since recovering her son Connor, now age five, her main focus is advocating for choices and different options in treating autism, along with keeping autism at bay in her youngest son Cash. Marine wives are often referred to as “Spartan Wives.” Historically, Spartans are brave, undaunted warriors in battle – and battle this Spartan will, until every parent she meets knows that they indeed have options and can treat the medical component of today’s autism.