There are not many of us left. You know, those of us with older kids, recovered kids, that stay around in the mix of it all. Maybe we’re the veteran mamas, been there and done that so long that leaving the community is how we demand aspects of a normal life. Not me . . . I’m still in it to bring service and healing to this community that I love.
My son was diagnosed with the A word back in 2003. He’s 19 now, with a darned good GPA in college, studying Audio Production. When he was diagnosed we didn’t have one key thing: We didn’t have moms that knew what to do. We didn’t have moms that had figured out the big picture of autism. We were all grasping at gluten-free/casein-free straws. We randomly tried things that other moms had tried in hopes that something would finally work. Our kids were giant science experiments, infused with crazy fear that we were making them worse. And sometimes we did. But most of the time we didn’t.
I remember calling Autism Research Institute in a frenzy of fear when my son’s so-called autism doctor prescribed Thimerosol-laden ear drops after his ear drum had blown in the hyperbaric oxygen chamber. Luckily, the amazing Bernie Rimland answered the phone personally in his calm, gentle way, talked me off a cliff, and guided me to implement a very effective vitamin C flush. My son was fine. I wasn’t, though. My trust in doctors had become null and void. I soon realized that I had to track everything. I had to pay attention at all times. I could never let my guard down and trust that someone else would take the care with my son that I would.
There wasn’t an older mother (or at least 40-something like I am) to show me the ropes. We were all panting like puppy dogs waiting for a bone (a.k.a. the next treatment du jour).
But now . . . 13 years, two Lyme diagnoses, four schools and a pretty epic spiritual awakening later, this girl gets it! So I hope you’ll listen to this 40-something’s words of wisdom.
The only advice I got when I was in thick of it was to do the diet and get a DAN doctor (Defeat Autism Now – no longer around, now referred to as MAPS). That advice, we now know is highly flawed and narrowly focused. We know so much more now, and guess what? It’s not about treatments. It’s about our life patterns.
Five Things Every Autism Mama Needs to Know
1. You are just as important as your children! Wait, you say, no that’s backwards. I always put my child first. Why, yes, you do, but at what price? Is it possible that you are sacrificing your health, your wealth, and your vibrance by always putting yourself last? If I were to ask you “What is your soul purpose?” Could you answer me? If the answer is no, you are detached from your own self.
I’m here to tell you that you can do it! You can do it all. You can give your child what he needs and still take care of yourself too. In fact, you must! You have no choice! We’ve seen too many mothers get very sick, some die, because they were last on the list. If my own Lyme diagnosis taught me anything it was this: I am a priority. My happiness is a priority. Loving myself is a priority.
Here’s the funny backwards part: When you begin to spend time nurturing yourself in the same way you nurture your children, your kids begin to thrive. I know . . . weird, right? Let me explain. You see, it’s all about energy. When you love yourself, you begin emitting a different energetic frequency . . . love. When you didn’t take care of yourself, you were emitting fear, anger, stress and anxiety. Hmmm . . . if you were your child, what frequency would you be happier in?
Don’t mess around and ignore this one. It is number one on the priority list and often the last thing people learn on this journey. Usually it’s learned when mama is already in the throes of chronic fatigue, Lyme or fibromyalgia. Sorry to say, but it’s true.
2. Be present with your family! You’re like, Angel, I am here! No, I mean present, in the now, with eye contact and everything. I mean cell phone flipped over, computer turned off. You know, like good old-fashioned conversation, hugs, and fun. I’ve seen more phones flushed down the toilet in silent protest of a parent’s lack of presence than I care to share.
I can’t help but wonder if our lack of eye contact and social skills with others isn’t being mirrored back to us by the kids. Are we modeling what we want them to learn and do? If we aren’t present and we have our head in Facebook or Google, how can they connect to us? We are unconnectable.
The only way to connect with your child deeply is to be available. I’m wondering if you’re available? I learned this the hard way with my daughter (a.k.a. button pusher). She made it known with a highly nasty teenage attitude that it was no longer acceptable for me to be on my phone all day. Point taken, lady! I got it.
3. Your intuition is the only thing that is 100% trustworthy. You’ve heard that little voice, right? The nudge to check out this treatment, this healer, or whatever? You’ve seen the signs from the Universe . . . multiple posts, emails, thoughts. You’ve listened. And it’s worked.
Most of the time, decisions are driven by fear. Go to any autism conference and you can feel it, you can see it, and even smell it. It’s the fear of not doing a treatment when you should, doing a treatment when you shouldn’t, doing nothing, missing the boat, your kid not recovering, or you screwing up your kid. It’s all based in fear. And because of that fear, bad decisions are made!
But, luckily, you have a highly evolved child who will clue you in when something is wrong. Maybe he refuses to take the concoction. Maybe you give it, and it does nothing. Maybe he gets worse and gives you another fear, fear of regression, and you take him off of it and he gets better. It can be so much work with so many bad experiences.
Know that it can be different, much different: Mom (or Dad) stays in balance, avoids falling into the fear trap at all costs and listens to the soft whisper of her own intuition that always works in the highest good. She feels good about her choice because it makes her heart swell with love when she thinks about the option. The child accepts and loves it because he knows it’s divinely inspired to help him reach his highest potential. Win, win!
4. Your child is watching you. Let’s take that a step further. Many can read your thoughts, your intentions, and your heart. I once met a grandmother that told me she was so frustrated with her granddaughter that she thought some really nasty thoughts. The next moment the granddaughter yelled out her exact thoughts! She was horrified . . . but she got the point.
Keep it clean, people. These kids are tuned in. They know what’s up even when they can’t say it. If you are talking or thinking about how bad your life is, I wouldn’t be surprised if the expression of that doesn’t show up as self-injurious behavior in the child. Why? Because he feels like a burden, guilty about your feelings. It’s only one possible scenario, but I’ve seen it over and over.
I know it’s terrifying to think that your child can read your thoughts. I mean some of us have quite naughty thoughts! But there is a big-picture purpose. We are being asked to check our thought patterns. Are we thinking fear-based thoughts? What about negative manifestation thoughts? This means thoughts like Oh, he’ll probably hit someone today; This treatment won’t work; and Oh my God, he’s going to regress! I know it! Ask, and ye shall receive. It’s how the Universe works, people.
5. Don’t dilly-dally holding onto old, outdated beliefs. Granted, we are trailblazers in squashing the “doctor knows best” belief, but we still hold on to some pretty destructive beliefs rooted in traumatic experiences that keep us frozen, unable to move through life adequately.
Be open to ideas, new concepts, and esoteric healing methods. Here’s why: What works for one, harms another. This is why #3 is essential. But what if your intuition takes you to a shaman wielding crystals and incense, and you were raised as a Baptist and living in the Bible Belt? Um . . . can you say belief challenge? Can you see how you may be stretched to shift, change, and release old belief systems that just aren’t serving you anymore?
After all, we easily see it in our friends who are still mowing down McD’s fries, right? We come to judgment quickly and harshly, often forgetting that we used to think they’re gluten-free back in the day and used them as good-day-in-ABA treats for our kids. We’ve shifted in many ways, so why not be open to more shifting? If we can change, then we can hold space and openings for others to get there too. But people don’t get there by having other people’s beliefs shoved down their throats, just like you didn’t. You had to experience it so you could learn. Respect others’ discovery process but also be open to discovering more yourself.
So . . . thank you for listening. My intention is to help you step into your own power and own the awesomeness that you are.
I want to invite you to a very special event I’m hosting. In honor of #1, taking care of yourself, IT’S YOUR TIME TO SHINE! This is my get-down-and-dirty time away to rest, recharge, and renew your spirit. It’s your opportunity to show up for yourself. Trust me when I say, your children are taken care of. It’s your opportunity to step into finding you again! I know you’re there, and I can’t wait to meet you.
To learn more about this fabulous opportunity for self-renewal and save $100 off registration until June 5th, click here.
Love and Blessings,