Ignorant Bitch

My husband and I were at a wine tasting event last weekend, when happenstance found me in a conversation with a retired high school teacher.  She rushed compliments at me for working full-time and raising three young children.  When talk turned to Harry, her jaw dropped.  “I don’t envy YOU”, she said.  “THAT is a hard job.”  I auto-piloted about finding out early, researching everything, getting him into an amazing VBA program where he has blossomed and can sign, read, write his name and, at 4, is finally on the brink of speech.  I talked about just how much progress Harry has made (His ATEC was 115; it is currently 43 and falling) and how mild-mannered and sweet he was when she interrupted my prattle with this gem: “It doesn’t matter what you do.  It’ll all change when he is in high school and he masturbates on someone in class.” 


Go ahead.  Re-read that line and absorb it. 


If your first thought is “Ignorant Bitch”, let’s just say you wouldn’t be alone.

The TMR mamas had SO much to say on this as I texted incredulously from the bathroom (and have I said in the last 5 minutes how much I love you guys?).  I mean, Harry is four.  How does a complete stranger who has never laid eyes on him sum him up with…THAT?  We’ve done behavioral interventions since he was 20 months old, and started therapies at 13 months.  We’ve done diets, DAN interventions, homeopathy, CEASE, GcMAF and are now treating parasites.  We are ON our game, and I spend every waking second immersed in autism in literally every facet of my life.  Does none of that matter?  Really?  Because I for one think it does.  I know what I am doing now makes a huge difference.  I have no doubt.  I have a little boy who is healing before my eyes as proof.

My approach is usually very gentle when discussing autism and its causes; I am not a loud in-your-face person.  But the school marm got a schooling all the same.  Nicely, but firmly.  How many other children has she passed judgment on whose parents don’t have the support system I have to brush her off like the caricature of a human being that she is.  What if someone actually took that comment to heart?  We hear all the time about moms who take their child’s life and then their own.  Is this the kind of poison they are surrounded by?

We left the wine tasting for dinner with friends who were equally incredulous that the same woman was a racist bigot – but that’s a story for another day.  For now I’ll take comfort in the fact that I am certain that IF Harry ejaculates on someone down the road, it will be consensual.

Ignorant Bitch.


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48 Responses to Ignorant Bitch

  1. Horrified says:

    There’s usually a story behind stories like this. The ignorant bitch probably has an NT, grown child who got in trouble for date rape or some other sexual assault, and saying this kind of thing about disabled children is how she deals with her own pain and failure.

  2. Patsy Beaver says:

    As a long-time middle school teacher, I am more than appalled at someone from my profession having the ignorance and indecency to make such a comment. I have been fortunate to teach with many colleagues over the years who are open to new ideas and who work closely with parents to find ways to maximize the achievements of students with autism (or any other students, for that matter!) and who genuinely celebrate their gains. I have also seen amazing strides in tolerance and inclusion by other students in bringing “non-typical” students (whatever “typical” is?) into the mainstream and celebrating their achievements with them. There is nothing like seeing that glow on a child’s face when they reach farther than they think they can go – and then make it and earn the praise of their peers and teachers, especially if that child starts out with a disadvantage!
    Of course, there are always those teachers who don’t want to take the extra time it takes to work with “special” children or who have negative opinions about their capabilities (ie, the idiot mentioned above); in my opinion, they should not be educators, as they can do great damage to a child’s self-esteem. And there are always bullies among the students who prey on those who they deem “weaker,” but thankfully I also see more students today who will stick up for those children; and educators are constantly working to prevent bullying (an impossibility perhaps, but every little bit helps!). The real heart-breaker for me is when a parent of a “special” child has given up on them and has no expectations of success for their child.
    To all of you in this forum – I am so thankful that your children have you as their advocates. Your dedication, your hope, and your positive attitudes will make sure they reach their full potential and leave autism behind! I hope your children may also be blessed with caring, capable teachers who will work with you as a team to bring about this goal. As a teacher and as someone who loves my smart, loving, and delightful granddaughter, who has autism, with all my heart – I am very grateful to all of you for what you do every day to help end this modern-day plague of autism.

  3. RM says:

    God, that’s awful! Honestly, there should be a rule against people being able to mention the “M” word in reference to our kids unless:
    1) The child is young and already exhibiting those behaviors
    2) The child is about to hit puberty or just did
    3) We have to do the birds and the bees education with our kiddos.

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  5. Theresa says:

    This must be what all educators say to parents with kids with Autism. When my son was 3 an OT said to me he would have to be taught to masturbate in the bedroom or bathroom. I was really upset. How could she possibly predict or know what he was going to be like when he was older? I thought when the time comes I will call her up and she could be the one to teach him this skill. That teacher should not have made that comment to you even if she had too much wine to drink.

  6. Wow. Just wow. How did you react?

  7. Kiwismommy says:

    Like Patricia I now have a super high functioning Freshman in High School, even a varsity cheerleader, that was once doomed for institutionalization or at least that’s what the so-called experts said. I too get the “well, don’t you think she was obviously mis-diagnosed” all the time. I recently posted a picture of her in her cheerleading outfit on the TMR facebook page so you can go check it out after you read this.

    The worst ‘ass-hat’ I ever ran into and the one I obviously have never been able to shake, like this incident, was when I happened onto a website of vaccine proponents who were also connected to Autism and lo and behold there was a conversation about me and my child. They were discussing my anti-vaccine stance and writings following the ARI newsletter printing our story. She said, “look at that picture of them, it is obvious her daughter is DYSMORPHIC and hence Born With It.” For those of you rushing to your online dictionary it means “deformed”. I found myself going through every photo of her from birth trying to figure out what could possibly be “deformed” about my daughter. It still burns painfully every time I think of it. How dare anyone make that statement on a public forum, even if they think it is true.
    Friends are now warning me to be careful because of how beautiful she is becoming. 4’11” about 82 lbs. at 14, beautiful blonde hair and big blue eyes. I know there is nothing deformed about my daughter but the fact it was thrown out in a public forum where even she might see it someday is beyond spiteful, this woman was also an ignorant bitch! It makes me angry that it still bothers me to this day and was just a hateful thing to say. They can attack me all they want but this was about a little child, only about 8 or 9 at the time. The only strange thing about my daughter’s appearance is that she has almost no skin pigment and my family is strongly American Indian so we have always suspected mild albinism. She can’t tan. But that is certainly not a deformity nor does it lead to autism. And here I am again trying to defend my beautiful child!
    Some people are simply angry, ignorant, spiteful, vindictive, hateful douchebags who need to get a life besides dragging other people down.
    I hoped you ripped her a new one. I never engaged the ignorant bitch that publicly insulted my child! I didn’t want to give her the time of day. My daughter’s success is proof enough of our side, our beliefs, our paths.
    So, now you can go check out that picture on facebook! I admit I am a little biased, but she is stunning, beautiful, and becoming more so every day.

    • Professor says:

      It’s time to completely let go of what that ignorant woman said about your child. Don’t let her reside in your head for another minute. I saw that picture of your daughter as a cheerleader. She is clearly happy and healthy, and you are doing a fantastic job. Don’t let someone else’s poisoned mind take another minute of happiness away from the two of you. (My ex is a kiwi, too. Glad to have you aboard. :))

  8. Cupcake says:

    I might be going out on a limb here, but I think the “C” word is more appropriate for this woman. I mean REALLY??? I’m so proud of you Goddess, because I might have hauled out and smacked the shite out of her! It’s so sad that there really is that much poison out there and far too many of us are floating in it. So proud of you Goddess! <3

    • Professor says:

      Okay, TMR readers don’t have any idea how funny this comment is. There are a number of TMR members that I might expect this comment from, but Cupcake is NOT one of them. She’s at the more conservative, more polite end of the spectrum than some of us. 😉 You can imagine how provocative this woman’s comment was to make Cupcake say a thing like that.

  9. Carolyn says:

    I feel that folks see how passionate we are about our children and how much faith we have in them and how full our lives are because of that deep love. It’s almost like they have to say something this hurtful because they themselves don’t have it in their lives. Sad really, especially when some parents may listen and give up hope. We can never give up hope. Never give up our dreams either and we must encourage our children to have them too. Individuals like this just don’t realize the damage they can cause.

  10. Carolyn says:

    I feel that folks see how passionate we are about our children and how much faith we have in them and how full our lives are because of that deep love. It’s almost like they have to say something this hurtful because they themselves don’t have it in their lives. Sad really, especially when some parents may listen and give up hope. We can never give up hope. Never give up our dreams either and encourage our children to have them too. Individuals like this just don’t realize the damage they can cause.

  11. Jennifer Barsamian says:

    Many people still do not believe that our children can recover. This is the belief in most school systems and it’s up to us to school these effers. My son recovered to the point that his teachers are astonished when we mention that he was a pretty darn autistic child from the ages of 3-6 (bio-med began at 4) they flip out. Of course he was obviously misdiagnosed…right…? The thousands of HBOT and sauna hours, countless IVs of chelation and nutrition, millions of supplements and strict gf/cf/cornf/soyf/organic elimination and rotation diet had nothing to do with it. Idiots!! To this day (he’s 13) if he skips a few days of his supplements, and other bio-med interventions he will begin to regress. It’s so obvious to us that these kids can be helped…why is it taking so long for the rest of the world to wake up!?!?!

    • Mom worrior says:

      GREAT POST JEN! I have met many Mother Worriors on my journey but you are TOP SHELF. My Anthony is now almost 10- he was 4 when we met in the hills of NC to heal our baby’s brains via HBOT. Your story in detail needs to be shared.

  12. This is exactly why 7000 kids are dropping out of high school a day! i am stunned at her total lack of thinking what can I do to help this student be successful in my class. The days of brick and mortar schools may soon be coming to an end!

  13. Guilded Thinker says:

    My mama taught me that if you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all. It’s a shame her mom didn’t teach that to her. That said, I admire the way you handled her, Goddess. I don’t think I would have been able to exhibit that level of restraint.

  14. Marco says:

    That last bit was good for a laugh! Wow, what a fucking idiot.

  15. julie says:

    It doesn’t even matter how your son is going to be when he is a teenager. This is the rude and offensive. Period. This lady is just sad. You a,re so classy, I would have to hold my horses big time in this situation. I’m so sorry you had go through this.

  16. Pam Byrne says:

    The rude and ignorant things some people say amaze me. When my son was four, his special ed preschool teacher harped at him for sucking his thumb. Since I had sucked my thumb until I was five, I wasn’t too worried about it; plus with his autism and sensory issues, we had bigger fish to fry. Apparently, she didn’t like my casual attitude about thumb sucking, so she emphatically told me, “If he doesn’t stop sucking his thumb, he won’t EVEN be able to work at a fast food restaurant someday!” Yeah, that was my big career goal for him. Ignorant bitch. Oh, he did stop sucking his thumb on his own when he was five.

  17. Chitra says:

    I’m from India, and learned the British version of English in school. Some of you may be aware that in archaic parlance an “ejaculation” is a spontaneous spur- of- the moment utterance of some sort, made without much forethought.

    So the next time you meet this woman, perhaps you should tell her she should be more concerned about managing HER EJACULATIONS since she is obviously unconscious to how embarrassed she OUGHT to be about them!

  18. KFuller says:

    Wow. What she is talking about is a behavior that can be completely managed. Her behavior on the other hand?? Well it’s too late for her. To hell with her.

  19. Shiri says:

    Ok, let me first say that I agree that this woman is an ignorant bitch. However, if there is one thing I’ve learned in this process of having a child with Autism, is that despite how incredibly rude, ignorant, spiteful and just plain stupid this woman is, we don’t know what her whole story is. How did she become this way? Why is she so bitter, and why does she feel the need to hurt someone she doesn’t even know? Maybe she is physically toxic and has no social tact? I mean, come on, who says those things unless something is deeply terribly wrong with this person? Toxicity doesn’t only cause lack of social decorum but also depression, and it sounds like she is very disturbed. I’m not saying that if she said this to me that I wouldn’t tell her off then go and cry for days. I would. But I would also feel really sorry for her, that she is the way she is. My husband is toxic from his amalgams, and I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I’ve been embarrassed by the things he’s said. And no one who meets him would think he’s quirky or aspergers-y, he just doesn’t have a clue about certain things. And some people also have had abusive lives, that make them mean. I thank my lucky stars that I have had a good family that helped me be a good person, but not everyone is so lucky. Right now I’m battling my sons school b/c they don’t think he’s capable of achieving much. We constantly have to work hard to prove them wrong. And every week, every test, he does. I’d rather be on our side, having hope, love, and determination to beat all odds and gratifyingly win- then be a sourpuss like that poor horrible woman. Hope I didn’t offend anyone, or take away from your rightful anger, just another way to look at things that has helped me in my struggles.

  20. Lisa says:

    Silly monkey woman!!

    You can’t help but feel sorry for someone like that. When you were a kid, you would throw your juice at her, or deck her, but now as an adult, which is much less fun I think, you just have to feel sorry.

    More power to you Goddess,


  21. Kelly Roberts says:

    I do not have a child with autism but this post made me want to beat her ass! I cannot believe that she was ever a school teacher. How can someone with so much experience with kids be that damn ignorant and mean? You are a much better person than I because I would have made a spectacle of myself and her if this had happened to me. I pray every day for this world and the people in it. There are more of this type of people out there than ever before and I just want each parent of a child with ANY disability to know that I have raised my children and grandchildren to see people’s hearts and not there outsides. There are plenty of parents like me raising kids and grands who are trying to teach them right from wrong and we are raising a group of young people who will fight you over these types of comments! My 13 year old got in very serious trouble at school for fighting with an older kid who was picking on and bullying a girl in a wheelchair! Did he get in trouble at home, Hell NO! Did I tell him how proud I was of his reaction, oh yeah! And if it happens again, he will be in very serious trouble but not with me! We must teach our kids to treat others the way we want to be treated and stop allowing assclowns like “Mrs. Teacher who should have a cork in her mouth” from being rude and insensitive! Thank you for allowing me to post on this page. I will be praying for each of you and for your children and all of the other parents and children out there who must face these morons daily!

  22. Casey says:

    Agreed. Karma.

  23. Julie says:

    I personally would want to ask her how many times her son ejaculated on another person. Probably a lot from some of the teen boys I have met over the years, :/ Your son will probably have a lot more respect for women than those “normal” guys!

  24. See, here is the thing. We never know what tomorrow will bring. Predicting that one of our children dealing with the challenge of autism WILL do some negative behavior in the future is selling them down the river. It’s a GREAT way to give up on them and not face the issues they face and not deal with the problem( why this is happening , how to stop it, etc. This teacher is saying,” look, there is nothing we can do about this. Don’t look at it, don’t work on it, and for God’s sake don’t believe that we could actually make a difference”. Because then, she might actually feel compelled to get involved. Heavens! I do, however, give her points, negative though they are, for nerve. Go Goddess!!!!

  25. Melissa Vega says:

    Ignorant bitch is too kind. I would have loved to be a fly on the wall as you schooled this vile person. I have found this community of women a life saver and I am glad you were able to lean in your fellow TMRs. Shame on this woman for making such a callous comment and kudos to you for standing up for Harry and the rest of our kids.

  26. laura says:

    speechless! keep on keeping on mama. KARMA. She will get hers.

  27. Allie says:

    Bless you, girl!! I’m not sure I’d have been able to make a coherent response at ALL. I’d have had to walk away before I let my right palm-across-her-face do the talking.

  28. Caryn says:

    Sometimes it is an appropriate reaction to throw your drink in someone’s face.

  29. Ana Maria Abba says:

    wow. people like that should just not talk..WTF is wrong with her anyway?

    I love your last line that was too funny!

    Ignorant bitch for sure! I would add rude, classless and stupid to that.

  30. Noreen Albright says:

    There is no excuse for this woman’s vileness. I would make sure she never says anything like this to another human being, let alone in speaking ignorantly about my beautiful child. No way would I walk away! I would give her “something to remember” LOL Maybe a “What a cold, heartless and condescending thing to say about a 4 year old! You were teaching children? It makes me all the more determined to make sure my children turn out…lovable, like ME.” : )

  31. Deborah Z. O'Leary (@REALMOMMA2155) says:

    I’ve met many like her. I came upon them in my own son’s short lived public school career. Oh, we know how to handle “those kids” was a phrase I often heard. They have no clue that Autism, ADHD etc. are illnesses from environmental causes and can be cured with bio and other interventions and the Grace of God and our kids can get better. These teachers see our kids as “damaged goods” or “mental degenerates” (yes, I have heard those phrases uttered). Thankfully, the teacher you encountered is retired.

  32. Andy's Mom says:

    HOLY CRAP & WOW. Yup ignornat bitch sums it up.
    Wish I had been there. My son is 27 in 1 week. We didn’t get any real intervention until he was nearly 5, and he has fairly severe Autism. We have tackled masturbation and I know for a fact he never once did it in class or at school for that matter.
    We did our work on public and private body part and public and private places and how private body parts need to star covered and untouched unless you are in a private place. He tested this knowledge and we realized we needed to teach him that although the bathroom at the Y was a “private place” it was NOT ok to masturbate there. He got it!
    So I’m not only offended for you and for your son but for all the guys out there with Autism, no matter how severe. How dare she assume that they can’t learn!

  33. Angela koshinsky says:

    that bitch was ignorant you should have asked her if thats what her 13 year old boy did? when they are in HS boys will doy that but to think that all of your woirk is for naught is a slap in the face…so sorry that you had an ignorant bitch even try to comment like she knows shit

  34. Rosie says:

    Good grief, sounds like she had tasted too much wine…but sadly that’s probably not her excuse. What a karate chop in the gut but sounds like you rebounded well. Things happen for a reason although it’s hard to see what this one was other than you can say “you’ve heard it all” and also to pray for our enemies/turn the other cheek, etc. The best way to ‘get her back’ is to pray (if her words are still echoing in your ears, which I know it would be very hard for me to shake). I recently got verbally beat up in what was supposed to be a friendly mom forum – two things happened…#1) A few ladies redirected me to another “room” that supported my views regarding vaxs and #2) As upset as I was I decided to pray for those women who verbally shrieked at me with their ignorant derogatory remarks (so much so the forum mediator had to lock the room!). Sigh, strange how some people don’t “hear” how they sound and/or don’t have a filter!!! God Bless You! You’re truly an inspiration for all of us! 🙂

  35. Nicole Delia says:

    Thank you for this and for all the blogs I read here. After years of wondering why other autism moms I would meet seemed to think I was crazy I feel like I have finally found women who validate that I AM NOT CRAZY to work and live like and believe that my son WILL get better. What is better going to look like? Not sure but it will be better than what he started with!! Thanks for being there for all of us who get blindsided by stupid people like that!!

  36. Gina B says:

    This is a retired high school teacher?? Woe to her former students and thank God she’s retired. I just don’t know what to say about this, and I’m sad and angry that you had to experience such prejudice.

  37. Lesly says:

    that woman should be outted. what a revolting thing to say. i’d publish her name and contact info so we could all “share our feelings” like she did.

  38. Patricia says:

    You have to remember that they do NOT see the recovered kids in High School… they are biased since they only see the kids who are still sick. My 14 year old is a talented musician, played last year in a jazz band with some buddies (she couldn’t this year due to school/music academy schedule conflicts), goes independently here and there with public transport, has good grades, has a friend coming over this weekend and when I say that she was dx’d as severely autistic, the response is REALLY????

    Why do I keep saying it? (not to everyone, but I do repeat it here and there) because people need to know that those kids that “disappear” from the statistics are still there, healthier than ever, and living a quality of life that their original Dx would have never allowed. Is it perfect? no (she’s a teenager after all 😉 Will it ever be? I have no idea. She improves and surprises me every single week, and… What is perfect anyway???

    Keep doing what you’re doing. There IS light at the end of the tunnel, and NO it’s not the train. And thinking moms of recovered kids, KEEP TALKING!!!! Our mission is evolving, but it’s still there… let’s inform, give hope, and educate people that haven’t had the chance to see what we’ve seen…


    • Patricia says:

      … but I agree 100% on the fact that this woman should not be allowed to zap hope out of parents… wonder if she had something in her family that made her so bitter ;(

  39. Diana Gonzales says:

    I think all the ignorant bitches I’ve encountered should thank heaven for my child, it’s he who has taught me restraint and saved them from an ol skool beat down!

  40. Mary cotter says:

    She is typical,ignorant beyond belief,silly cow!!!!

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