The Caregiver’s Moment

Dedicated to my brother, Brian Joyce, who passed away today, March 23, 2012, the day before my son Liam’s fourth birthday. He was the ultimate caregiver and peacemaker. Another good one gone, far too early, taken by cancer.

Since our son Noah was diagnosed with autism in 2009 we have had a steady influx of caregivers in our home. I check, check, and recheck their qualifications. Not just their resume version of themselves, the Facebook version. What makes them tick, their passions, weaknesses and challenges, their families – all of it. Everything that makes them, them, I need to know. Many a qualified worker has been scared off by my invasive questioning and intense eye contact which leads me to conclude our relationship was better left unexplored.

Right now our core group is a solid collection of women who want to make a difference in the lives of children with special needs. They are so much more self-aware and sensible than I was at their age. We are grateful to have them.

The benefit of working in our home is the free 24 hour autism education. If I am not instructing these students directly, explaining a medical condition, giving a history lesson on ethyl vs methyl mercury or the complex institutional deceit that has allowed the autism epidemic to flourish under our noses, then I can be overheard on conference calls discussing current issues affecting autism (the sham known as the DSM) or dissecting headlines with any number of activists I network with from around the world. It is a priceless education for someone interested in autism – the real autism, of course – not the pharmaceutically publicized mainstream media version.

The other day, one of our caregivers was trying to calm Noah. His eyes were dilating, a sign that his blood sugar was dropping and he was on the cusp of violence. I explained to her, as I always do, exactly what he was experiencing at that moment. This is something I do regularly in an effort to help diffuse the situation, keep the caregiver (and myself) and the rest of the family calm. I find having to concentrate on pronouncing the long complex medical terms that describe his many afflictions takes my mind off the awful reality that he is attempting to bite his own fingers or trying to break granite with his bare hands.

Apparently this episode was different than the others for this dear girl because she burst into tears. “Lisa, he is so frustrated. He is all there. I see him in there. Ever since you started that blood cleaning thing, whatever it is you’re doing now…I can see him in there. He’s so funny. I can see his personality coming out. He wants to play with the other kids so much. He feels left out. He’s in so much pain. I can tell.”

On this particular day it finally cliqued for her that Noah is sick. He’s trapped in a deteriorating body and she is watching from the sidelines while my husband Dave and I try like hell to save his life and raise our other two neurotypical children.

She’s heard my friends and me refer to what is happening to our children as the Iatrogenic Holocaust. Of course, those who boarded the trains to Auschwitz had an inkling that their futures may not be so bright. They were forced out of their homes, separated from their families, stripped of their assets. The writing was on the wall. Despite the glorious picture of Nationalist pride painted by Mein Kampf, the air must have been thick with apprehension for those cramped passengers.

In contrast, modern day American moms and dads do not head to well baby visits with the full understanding that we may never see our precious babies smile and babble again. We do not drive to the pediatrician’s office thinking, “Well, if he does end up with a seizure disorder that claims his life at least he won’t get the chicken pox.” We do not sit in the waiting room among other parents wondering which one of our toddlers will walk out with juvenile rheumatoid arthritis, autism, asthma, or SIDS. We board the train with complete faith. Complete faith that we are doing right by our child, entirely uneducated about iatrogenic inflammation, oxidative stress, and immune abnormalities.

Meanwhile, our children are dying inexplicably at alarming rates, developing auto-immune illnesses of unknown origins (really?) and 54% of our kids require maintenance medications just to be able to function on a daily basis. No one knows why. All the literature and news reports repeatedly tell us our food and vaccines are perfectly safe. There is nothing wrong with injecting or eating altered DNA (no, not because we have scientific proof, because the government says so).

The insidiousness of this Holocaust is that its perpetrators come in the name of omniscient science, preaching health, wellness, and the good of the herd. They smile and pat our shoulders as their nurse slides a piece of paper into the stack we are holding. It says something about “mitochondrial disease…seizures…death…rare”. Sign, please. We trust these medical representatives like we trust our priests, teachers, camp counselors, and coaches. We trust them more because they went to medical school. Most of us don’t know medical school is now pharmaceutical school. Free thought and investigative medicine are frowned upon. Real science, the kind that looks for answers rather than influencing them, is unheard of. There is no money in healing. There is great money in chronic illness.

And that’s why our caregiver cried. The reality of it all hit her at that exact moment. The little boy she cares for three days a week was in a terrible, terrible accident. An accident that occurred repeatedly throughout the first two years of his life, until the mommy that held his squirming little body still while that semi rolled over him time and time again finally got a clue and stopped vaccinating. It wasn’t that our caregiver didn’t believe all this back when I interviewed her months ago. It’s that now she is living it. She is witnessing the devastating effects of our vaccination program on a real human life – my precious son, Noah Patrick Goes – day in and day out. He is not simply a child with special needs. He is the victim of a crime. His abusers, “Vaccine Champions” (doctors paid by pharmaceutical companies to promote their products) appear on television shows. They comfort the public with perfect rows of white teeth and waxy faces. They scowl at the camera when they talk about infectious disease, crazy non-vaccinating parents (most of whom fully vaxxed their kids, by the way) and assure their viewers that kids like Noah are rare. 1 in 6 is not rare.

Medical journals, expert panels, government and pharma-funded scientists and doctors all say it is not true. There is no clinical proof children with autism (a made up word that describes behavior) suffer any pain at all. Their screams and behavior are attention-seeking efforts, the experts say. The experts also don’t understand methylation, metabolic failure, or mitochondrial disease. They only understand it is their job to defend the untested vaccine schedule. They are not paid to save children. They are paid to save profits.

Can you smell the burning flesh, my friends? Preserve the purity of the race/program at all costs. No matter how much human life is lost. If it’s not your child’s life, it’s a-okay. When you author the program you also get to author the statistics, the science, and the story itself.

I put a hand on her shoulder. “Now that you know what I am saying is true, please tell everyone you know Noah’s story. That way, his suffering will not be in vain.” I didn’t think this was too much to ask of her.

She nodded through tears. “Of course, I am so sorry, Lisa.” She said. “He doesn’t deserve this.”

No one does. That’s why we do this. That’s why a bunch of us exhausted moms (and one kick ass dad) find time to post, research, connect, discuss and share information every day. Your doctor, no matter how much he may tell you he knows, is clueless. He doesn’t network like we do. He doesn’t have access to the studies we do because he’s not looking for them. Doctors are process oriented, Thinking Mom’s are results oriented. Doctors get their information from pharma-funded institutions exclusively.Thinking moms on the other hand? We do the work. We know no association or insititution is going to go to the mat for our children like we will. We call universities ourselves; attend conferences, visit research hospitals, medical libraries. We read books, talk to politicians, seek the advice of the most prominent auto-immune, metabolic and mitochondrial researchers in the world. We have access to the studies that cannot get published because they point to the cause. Our advice? DO YOUR OWN RESEARCH. Question your doctor. Bring him the studies you’ve read. Open a dialogue. Do not be intimidated. Your child’s life depends on it. I know many parents of adult children with autism who’ve not yet had their “Caregiver moment.” It’s too awful for them to face. Do not let this be you, friend. Do not pretend it didn’t happen. Wake up, stand up. Affect change. Yes, you held him down. But, if you are one of the lucky ones, your child is still here. You can do something. We are here to help. While saving your child you may save countless others. All of it, every moment, is worth it if our kids are given a chance at a better life.


The Rev (LJ Goes)

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48 Responses to The Caregiver’s Moment

  1. Nicole says:

    May the beautiful memories that you have of your brother, stay with you through your difficult times. I would like to thank you for making my journey with autism one filled with hope! I look forward to reading this blog everyday!


  2. Tara says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. I appreciate you taking the time to tell your story and write to everyone. I am glad there are so many here to “listen” and help to do something about this awful industry of the vaccines. Thank you.

  3. I am so sorry LJ that you lost your brother to cancer. My autism journey has led me to working with two companies from which I continue to gain alot of health knowledge. The most important thing I can share with you is cancer cells cannot live in an alkaline environment. Traditional medicine should be checking the PH of our body if we are sick before they do anything else.

  4. Interesting. Please read and watch video.

  5. So sorry for your loss and thankful for your honesty and information , it is time we wake up and realize the damage we are inflicting on these innocent children. Why does a baby have to recieve a strong vaccine at two days of age? We are killing and maiming them for life. God help us all.

  6. Thank you for this article. You are right, the vaccine industry is led by profit, not care and concern for our children. As a registered nurse it’s hard to be in both sides. I work in this medical field and yet dont fully accept or believe everything they tell me. I did, once upon a time, before having my own son. We vacxinated him till he was 8 months old. Every visit I got a knot in my stomach and it didn’t feel right. So I started researching and he’s 2.5 now and hasn’t had any vaccines in over a year. We are currently expecting and this baby won’t have any vaccines, period.

    I get crazy looks bc I’m a nurse and choose not to vaccinate. I hope that gets people thinking, “she’s in the medical field and still doesn’t vaccinate”.

    Thank you for this well written article.

  7. Amie says:

    Keep it up! You are an amazing voice for this community! Thanks for all your work.

  8. I love your passion and I love the way you tell it like it is. I’ve been studying and researching “autism” aka heavy metal toxicity since January 2008. That is when I made the discovery after I found out about the mercury autism link. In 2009 I found out my daughter was off the charts in copper, magnesium, and manganese. She was in 7th grade at the time and had been having extremely violent episodes since she began puberty. Once I raised her glutathione levels she was a different kid. Her anxiety levels went way down and the violent meltdowns were over. She still needs to stay away from sugar. Once you are on the spectrum you experience all over body inflammation and the last thing you need is sugar. I proved my daughter’s case with my compiled research and won my second appeal with the insurance company. They can’t deny you when you expose the truth. Keep up your passion! This movement needs your voice. We will never be silenced!

  9. L. Smith says:

    Thank you for saying this! Although my son is not autistic, he developed an autoimmune disorder 3 years ago, right after he received a flu vaccine. I typically do not engaged other in the “to vaccine or not to” debate, usually because most people just don’t get the whole “until it happens to you” situation. My older boy is “fully” vaccinated BTW, and yes, I was one of those parents that truly thought my doctor knew everything and that I was being a responsible parent. Neither of my children will ever get another vaccine because of our experience. Please continue to get your message out there….it mean the world to us.

  10. jeff belloni says:

    great writing…and so very true. best to you and your family

  11. Poppy TMR says:


  12. Julie Leonardo says:

    I am so sorry, LJ. I know what it’s like to lose a brother, and it sucks. I also want to thank you for what you do for our kids, for speaking out. I have reposted this. God bless you and comfort you.

  13. Baby(food)Steps says:

    Thank you for sharing this information in your brother’s memory and to honor your son…
    “suspected mitochodrial disease with intermittent autistic like symptoms” is the world we are living in at our house… was born out of my need to share ALL my research with others…about mito, food, and all the othere TOXINS that are too much for our kids. THANK you so much for all the thinking moms out there for having the courage to speak.

  14. HD says:

    So sorry for your loss, LJ. Rest in peace Brian.

  15. Nanette Knight says:

    Has any research been done on autism and the relationship that vaccines might have with A poe genetic types? That gene deals with lipids and is responsible for clearing out our systems. Some gene types like a Apo E 3/4 and 4/4 have a very hard time clearing toxins from their bodies. I know very little about this, but I have been doing some reading. Most of my family has had genetic testing done. My youngest daughter has MS, was vaccinated 30 years ago, and she is a Apo E 4/4. This gene type has the most difficult time clearing toxins from their systems and they also have a high correlation to alzheimer’s disease. Hats off to you wonderful mothers who are using your voices and brains to get this info out to the general public. Oh, how I wish I had never vaccinated my children.

    • Professor says:

      Nanette, thanks for the information. I, personally, don’t know of any research being done on this, but it sounds like a terrific avenue to follow up on. Very, very interesting. I’m going to be doing some Googling…

  16. Ana Maria Abba says:

    Amen reverend! Beautifully written and dead on. I wrote a letter to our developmental pediatrician in Malaysia because she advised me to give my son the Hep B shot even though she KNEW he had autism but had not told me. She said she had seen “signs” but did not give the diagnosis until months later when I pushed her. Had she just told me BEFORE I would have done my research and never given him that shot. That shot that PUSHED him over the edge and just made him sick, sick, sick. He had mild autism at the time but I was hoping against hope that it wasn’t.. After that last shot there was no denying it any longer. I told her his reaction to the shot was fever and LOTS of irritability but she said it wasn’t associated. She even asked me a few months later if I wanted to give him the other dose. I was like HELL NO!!! So I wrote her a letter a few months back basically telling her shame on you for advising to vaccinate my child even though she knew he was on the spectrum. She doesn’t BELIEVE there is a connection. She wrote back a nice letter but I didn’t change her mind I don’t think. She also said the GFCF diet was unsubstantiated but I did it anyway. UGH why can’t they just understand?!!!

  17. Allie says:

    LJ, my deepest sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your brother.
    Thank you for another extremely powerful and beautifully written post. Much love and respect,

  18. allmash says:

    LJ, my deepest sympathy to you and your family for the loss of your brother.
    Thank you for another extremely powerful and beautifully written post. Much love and respect,

    • Allie says:

      Sorry for the double post – new computer. WordPress went nuts and used old, outdated info. This one can be deleted. Again, sorry! Allie

  19. Shawn Siegel says:

    May your brother’s memory bring you peace, Lisa Goes. Thank you for all your writings, such soulful expressions.

  20. Robert Smith says:

    Very touching and thought provoking article. With your permission I would like to repost at

  21. kb says:

    Well said!!! Thank you for being and giving all that you do. I have 2 luckily healthy children (emphasis on luck) that I stopped vaccinating because of voices like you. Know that you are getting through to people out there. Know that.

    • Professor says:

      Kb, we LIVE for comments like this. That’s what it’s all about for the Thinking Moms (and Dad): getting the word out to people who wouldn’t otherwise hear it and it’s so important to know you’re making a difference. Thank you!

  22. Jennifer Jespersen says:

    Any doctor worth his weight in Prozac knows that the brain & stomach are VERY intertwined!!!! The Rev – I’m sorry for your loss 🙁 SHINE ON!!

  23. Kristen S. says:

    Losing someone so close is heartbreaking and soul rending in ways that only those who have experienced it can comprehend. So deeply sorry for the loss you are experiencing. I have so much respect for your candor and the way you fight for your precious son. I have 4 vaccine injured children who fight similar battles as Liam. You are an encouragement to many…Keep strong and may you be held safely in the arms of God.

  24. shell1jseashore says:

    Nice job Lisa, I nearly forgot the passing of your brother. Sorry. To me the reaction of a vaccine is a Spectrum. Vaccine Spectrum Disorder. To your brother- it might be cancer- to your son it is Autism, to another family member it might be arthritis or sensory overload. Let’s hope it does not continue in the next generation. Shell of “Recovering Autism ADHD and Special Needs,”seen on youtube.

  25. Melissa Christopher says:

    My heartfelt condolences… and the article is poignant and motivational… lovely, Melissa

  26. Pingback: The Autism Caregiver’s Moment of Truth | Gaia Health

  27. Kathy Blanco says:

    Autism is a trust disease. Enough said.

  28. So very sorry for your loss Lisa, I so feel your pain having lost a Sister less than a year ago with cancer & having a Vaccine injured Grandson that is my heart. God Bless you for all you do to help educate with your wise information & truth, Love you much, Rita

  29. Tina Higens says:

    So sorry for you loss. Thank you for all the work you do LJ. You are a inspiration.

  30. Excellent advise – Wendy Frye

  31. amjhut says:

    Wow. Very touching and poignant. Thank you.

  32. Cynthia says:

    Powerful and informative… you should write a book! Congratulations on saying what so many voices can’t think of! I’ve shared your message on my fb page.
    My granddaughters Mom has a younger sister (now a older teen) with what I see as severe autism. I thought I knew about autism having worked with children with neurological disorders in the 70’s and seeing children pass through the child care center I work at with the symptoms of autism. You’re right, it’s nothing like having a child in your family with these many disorders. My granddaughters mom (Sharie) brought to me the awareness of the role vaccinations play and how the Dr’s responded just as you depict. I see Sharie, (can I say, as you put it ‘neurological typical’) a loving older sister who watched how her parents dealt with the guilt and cumbersome responsibilities. She met my son in jrHS and by HS she became pregnant with my granddaughter, she was adamant about not having her vaccinated. She was pressured into doing so, even with all her concerns (the pediatrician she used was her’s and her sister’s). She put my granddaughter on a delayed schedule, using 1/2 doses and missing scheduled appts. My granddaughter is 8yrs old now. She has asthma, and eczema. of course that has nothing to do with anything??? (asthma doesn’t run on either side of our families).
    I send you love and support and meditate that your blog reaches many more parents.
    Mahalo and warm hugs,

    • zoeymo says:

      Cynthia, many of the moms I know have been the first ones in their families with asthma and allergies and their children are the first with autism. The single biggest factor I see in the parents is some form of autoimmune illness. Of course, as far as the medical community is concerned that’s just “anecdotal.” But, you know, when you hear the same anecdotes over and over again eventually they start to accumulate in the part of your brain labeled “data.” Your granddaughter has a fighting chance of NOT dealing with autism in the future because she has a mother and grandmother fighting for her. Keep it up!

    • Professor says:

      Cynthia, Many of the moms I know many moms who are the first in their families who have asthma and allergies (I’m among them). And many of those have children who are the first in their families with autism. The single biggest factor that I have seen in the parents of autistic children is some form of autoimmune illness. Of course, as far as the medical community is concerned that’s just “anecdote.” Eventually, though, after you’ve heard the same anecdote over and over again, your brain starts putting it in the bin labeled “data.” Your granddaughter has a fighting chance of NOT dealing with autism in her life because she has a mother and grandmother fighting for her.

  33. Lynn Mulder says:

    Thanks for your post and all the others, I have learned alot and agree 100%.

  34. Tracy says:

    I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. I pray for all of your family. Thank you for all you do. You have such strength and courage. I applaud you and your dedication to helping others. Many blessings to you and your loved ones.

  35. Julie Obradovic says:

    I have read everything you have ever written, girlfriend. This piece, by far, is your best. Spreading far and wide. And may your brother rest in peace…a new angel to watch over and heal Noah.

  36. Harakhty says:

    No words can describe the place your loss takes you to. My wish that its volume be tempered and your wound healed, but scar not forgotten. You blog entry is articulate and eloquent. The “White Coat” of trust and compassion has been hijacked. Sad thing is many egos inhabiting such trusted symbols have lost their souls, and their intellect.

  37. Pingback: The Caregiver’s Moment | thinkingmomsrevolution | Childbirth Solutions

  38. What an epiphany moment…may there be many, MANY more. The more there are, the quicker this tragedy will come to an end! Thanks, LJ

  39. LJ: I am so sorry for the loss of your brother. I know he is with you and will give you continued strength as you and Dave work tirelessly to save Noah and so many other precious children.
    This post is wonderfully written and cuts through all the bullshit, speaking the truth on a level that cannot and will not be ignored.
    I love you and am so thankful that God has put our paths together.
    You are amazing.

  40. This is a powerful article. Thank you for writing it. I want to post it on Is that all right with you?

  41. Ana Maria Abba says:

    So sorry to hear about your brother may he rip.

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