Vaccine Injury Regrets: Sorry, Jen

October 5, 2017

“I am the wisest man alive, for I know one thing, and that is that I know nothing.” — Plato, The Republic

If only we could travel back in time and know what we know now. What would you do differently?

The title “Sorry, Jen” refers to a conversation I had with someone I befriended through La Leche League (a breastfeeding support group) when our children were very young. My boys were age three and a toddler (before I had my third child). Jen and I would discuss parenting quite frequently, and one day the topic of vaccinations came up during a phone call. As a registered nurse, indoctrinated into the religion of vaccines, my response to Jen was, “I vaccinate my children, and I believe anyone who doesn’t is socially irresponsible.” The line went silent for a few seconds.

Several months later: My younger son had been developing normally . . . talking, engaged, happy, reaching all appropriate milestones. After vaccination, as if a light switch turned off, he dramatically regressed developmentally and exhibited physical autistic traits for the first time ever. He lost eye contact, had difficulty sleeping, became sluggish, his speech regressed and he developed sensory defensiveness to smell, touch and sound. He began having bowel issues, including constipation, and his head circumference grew above the normal range. Stimming behaviors, like hand flapping, spinning, rocking, jumping in place, and standing on his head frequently (which we thought was a cool parlor trick for a while until major red flags flew) became a part of daily life. Coping with sensory issues, changes in routine, and a myriad of daily obstacles grew increasingly difficult.

I dove headfirst into research, and identified studies and papers about leaky gut syndrome related to vaccine injury. I was able to find a doctor (double-certified developmental pediatrician and child psychiatrist) who specialized in this, and she guided us through blood work and treatment. After several weeks of diet and supplements, our son was recovering!

Predominant physical autistic traits disappeared, sleep habits improved, bowel habits regulated, and he was playful, bright and alert. He continued to struggle with social and sensory issues and by the time he entered kindergarten was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome. Improvement continued over the years, although accompanied by many struggles, and when he reached high school, he no longer tested as having an Asperger syndrome diagnosis with the battery of tests given.

As a mother, one knows this wasn’t “better diagnosis,” which was the buzz phrase being thrown around in an effort to sweep the increasing numbers of autism spectrum disorder cases under the rug. My duty wasn’t to prove anything . . . my focus was to help my child. I was slow in my efforts toward vaccine religion renunciation, believing the fallacy of “rare” and “one in a million,” and cautiously continued to vaccinate my children, but on a selective and delayed schedule.

Fast forward ten years: Our family was to be relocated to China for my husband’s job. Leary of receiving the plethora of vaccines that were recommended for the move, but believing (enter the religion of vaccines again) that an adverse reaction would be unlikely, we proceeded. The children didn’t need as many as I received as one of the shots (previously approved for children) was now considered a neurological danger for them but was still okay for adults, according to the CDC. The day I received a normal physical and the overseas vaccines, I had extensive blood work that was normal. Symptoms began two days after my last vaccine, and progressively worsened until I wound up in the emergency room a few weeks later where I was diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia (AML). AML is an extremely aggressive and fast-acting blood cancer that is typically triggered by toxins and/or radiation. After a 10-20% chance of surviving, I beat the odds after several months of rigorous chemotherapy and a stem cell transplant (grateful for my donor who donated her stem cells to me).

The vaccine injury mallet thwacked me over the head with tremendous force, since it didn’t bludgeon me enough after what happened with my son. I traveled down the rabbit hole of vaccine injury and information, and believe me, once you do, and you see all the corruption, fraud, cover-up and vast amounts of vaccine injury and death, there is no turning back.

Image by Libi Fishman

So, I’m sorry, Jen!

I know people who hold the religion of vaccines close to their heart. I’ve lost friends in the process, as I’ve been met with condemnation and condescension for encouraging others to research before they vaccinate. I have heard pat responses similar to the one I gave you . . . “safe and effective,” “science is settled,” and “miracles of modern medicine,” without the willingness to discuss anything outside the vaccine dogma. Many refuse to look deeper and consider the hard facts and tout “anecdotal” and “correlation isn’t causation.”

I’m sorry, Jen. And I’m sorry to the thousands and thousands who have learned the hard way about vaccine truth, so many far worse off than I, whose children have died or have lifelong disabilities.

“There is no more neutrality in the world. You either have to be part of the solution, or you’re going to be part of the problem.” — Eldridge Cleaver

~ Coco

Coco is married to an incredibly supportive and loving husband and mother to three boys who light up her world in the most magnificent way. Their middle son has experienced ASD recovery over the past 15 years. Coco is lucky to be alive after beating the odds against an aggressive blood cancer, diagnosed in 2012. She is grateful to her stem cell donor, who she calls her angel, for saving her life. She is passionate about medical freedom, informed consent, Van Morrison, her family, nature/environment, and encouraging others to join the marrow donor registry.

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21 Responses to Vaccine Injury Regrets: Sorry, Jen

  1. Anon says:

    just wondering, so to speak…

    UBC researchers pull paper linking vaccine component to autism after data alleged to be manipulated

    Lab can’t confirm allegations because original data is no longer at the university, co-author claims

    Researchers from the University of British Columbia are retracting their scientific paper linking aluminum in vaccines to autism in mice, because one of the co-authors claims figures published in the study were deliberately altered before publication — an issue he says he realized after allegations of data manipulation surfaced online.

    Here, an article speaks of a research paper which linked aluminum in vaccines with autism, and the paper has “suddenly been pulled”. It is reportedly due to questions re research numbers accuracy…



    gotta wonder…”was there pressure”…?

    • ProfessorTMR says:

      I’m sure there was. Any journal that publishes a study that truly implicates vaccines in negative health outcomes is pressured to retract as a matter of course.

      • Anon says:

        Now that I think about it, is sort of (muchly so) reminds me of
        “McIntyre Powder”.

        whether aluminum dust inhaled into lungs (a KNOWN problem since forever), or aluminum injected into babies/childrens/our bodies, who could possibly think inhaling/injecting a toxin a “good” idea? Had to be BIG MONEY involved.

        “From 1943 to approximately 1979-80, miners ……… required to breathe in McIntyre Powder aluminum dust prior to each shift. Miners would undergo a mass “treatment” wherein canisters of McIntyre Powder aluminum dust would be dispensed via a compressed air system into the mine drys or specially constructed chambers. All ventilation would be stopped during the aluminum dust dispersal, and miners were instructed to inhale the black fog of respirable aluminum dust deeply ……………

  2. Laura says:

    Multiple Sclerosis is a young person’s disease. Yet I was dx’d at the age of 51 (2002) after having symptoms for 6-8 mths. The treatment was to stay at the VA in Sturgis SD for 5 days while I was being treated with methoprednisone IV (I lived 150 mi away, so no driving back/forth). While at the VA, I discovered a book on Primary Progressive MS, which is what I was told I have.
    The author was a nurse that had worked in the VA system for many years. She knew that part of the problem is lack of D3 (sun) as people around the equator had no MS (or next to none) in the population, while Canada has more per 1000 than our southern States. Our northern States have more than our southern States. What she found odd was that guys that came into the military from the South and stayed South had more MS than the general population. In fact, all branches of the Military has more MS than the US population.
    That got me to thinking. What is the one common denominator among the five military branches? We get MANDATORY shots of all kinds and yearly flu shots. When the swine flu came out in the 70s, we had to get that also. When I got out and finally went to the VA, I was told at this one VA that to use the VA, I had to get the flu shot. Being military (14 yrs on active duty), you just follow orders. In 2000 we changed VAs to a full facility. There I was given a choice to have the flu shot or not. Really!! No choice…. I haven’t had a shot since and I’ve not had the flu either. The husband continued until three years before he died and he didn’t get the flu during that time either.

    It is my firm belief that Multiple Sclerosis is a vaccine Injury. Of course doctors don’t believe that, but it makes so much sense to me. While I still have some issues, I’m pretty functional….going from using a walker due to falling to driving a semi long haul 🙂 I do NOT take any meds to prevent flare ups cause I know what can cause them. Today it’s supposed to be in the 90s here in TX. Good thing I have a good air conditioner.
    Yes, my doctor wanted me on meds to prevent flare ups, but 4 mths after prescribing Copaxone, he died of cancer. I haven’t seen another neurologist since. My GP doc knows I won’t get shots, I drink raw milk from my friends goats (mine are out on lease), and I eat healthy fats. My blood work is good for a 66 yr old lady 😉

    • ProfessorTMR says:

      The thinking these days is that MS is an autoimmune disorder. Vaccines can definitely induce autoimmunity. Why does MS “normally” happen in youth? Well vaccines “normally” happened in youth until very recently. As a result we are seeing later and later onset of many chronic conditions that used to be diagnosed at young ages.

    • Yourdifferentchildisnormal says:

      You keep up the resistance Laura !

  3. Anon says:

    I just read yet another article/expose on why we should not just accept that “government knows best”. I know of one elderly lady who three (maybe four) sisters died of breast cancer who lived in the town Medicine Hat during the time mentioned in this article…


    “Interesting” article, and “Interesting” comments

    U.S. secretly tested carcinogen in Western Canada during the Cold War, researcher finds

    The Pentagon never told the federal government that it

    would be spraying a chemical on Winnipeg and two Alberta towns, U.S. professor Lisa Martino-Taylor says

    • Yourdifferentchildisnormal says:

      Yes the spraying of the people happens internally and externally and it has been going on for a long time. My grandfather’s suicide is due to a deep pain and he took his pain and chemical military secrets to the grave. Lots of experimentation, lots of failures……… The people that modify the weather …….the experts …..the scientists that support evil………are paid a generous sum of money to spray harmful geoengineering particulates to cloud seed blocking the solar vitamin D synthesis cholesterol pathway that life forms need to provide stores for colder months and rid themselves of toxins…. further perpetuating the detox pathways that need vitamin D, and further perpetuating the ozone holes via refraction, disrupting natural balance and ecosystems on a vast scale. Be discerning with everything.

  4. Holly says:

    I remember vividly the time when a friend mentioned that her child was unvaccinated and I immediately thought “what is wrong with you! You’re willing to let your child die! You’re absolutely crazy!” And I subtly pulled my kid away from hers. I too have been trained in the medical world, but mine in veterinary medicine where vaccines are pushed just as hard, maybe even more so because they are a huge part of a clinic’s profit margin. It was here though that I started questioning things and started doing my own research after I had my second child. I remember sending frantic texts and emails to my closest friends reporting my findings, only to be met with rejection and losing some friends over my “crazy” ideas. After several years, I sent an email to my friend who chose not to vaccinate. I apologized for thinking she was crazy and wished I would have asked her why instead of being so scared. I thankfully have not had to deal with a vaccine injured child to get my research started. It’s such a tough fight, going against the norm in this country. I wish people would realize that it’s ok to question! Without questioning we will never improve! Thank you so much for sharing your story. Keep sharing It. It’s making a difference!

    • ProfessorTMR says:

      Holly, by “It was here” you started questioning, do you mean the clinic’s profit margin or here at this website? Just asking because I’d love to think it was here at this website. 😉

      • Holly says:

        TMR I absolutely love this website and you have helped open my eyes to many new things. When I’m feeling like I’m alone in this decision and fight amongst my peers I love hearing from other moms that I’m not alone, I’m not crazy and I have a backing of incredibly smart and researched people that believe the same as I do. “It was here” relates to the veterinary practice however. When I started seeing us be pressured to vaccinate very old animals with serious health issues, because it was “what we should do” and best financially for the hospital. It made no sense to me and was definitely not good medicine.
        I found TMR quickly in my research though and I want to thank you for presenting reasonable arguements, with solid research that just plain makes sense! Keep it up!❤️

      • ProfessorTMR says:

        Oh, thank you! You made my day even if you’re questioning began with the money motive. 😉 That’s a GREAT place to start questioning!

  5. Yourdifferentchildisnormal says:

    Walgreens……………..Just wanted to pick up some electrolyte replacement

    Now the checkers are asking people if they have had there flu shot?

    I wanted to scream at her because here I was going to pick up my son from school who had a febrile seizure. I knew he had a virus because the virus hit me the same time the school called. Like a semi truck. As I am checking out at Walgreens with electrolyte replacement, the checker asks individuals if they have received the flu shot? I guess if you are a checker at Walgreens privacy goes out the window. The lady in front of me was in her sixties and seemed offended by the checker asking that and she ignored the woman. The woman repeated herself and the woman was angry, silent, flustered, and left.

    When it was my turn to answer her question, I proudly told her no, I don’t believe in that. Then I quickly said, “Do you have to ask everyone that?” She said, this time of year I have to. I said, Oh I see.” The customer next to me started thinking and said, “I had my flu shot and my entire arm locked up and was really sore….This was a big muscle type guy. ” She started speaking up like she was an innoculation expert and telling him next time that happens you have to rub the injured area. I would have spent more time speaking up for the truth but I had to get my son. As I drove away, I began to wonder just how much of the illness is created from viral shedding of mass innoculations that occur during the fall months and how many viral infections were from the seasonal type that naturally occur.

    Viruses are a part of who we are, and we need to change the paradigm of fear. The public needs to be educated on the different types of immunity. The public needs to be educated about a lot of false beleifs about vaccine. We are being blamed for people getting sick still……….We are being blamed for immunocompromized individuals getting sick……I do not believe that the immunocompromized are at a greater risk from the unvaccinated, undervaccinated, or vaccinated. I am tired of the black and white divided indoctrination that is occurring here. The truth is that people are going to get sick period and that viruses are a part of our evolution. We have dormant viral DNA within our bodies, that has evolved with us. We have an ecosystem within us that is as complex as the ecosystem of the planet. We have abused the bodies ecosystem with toxins, neurotoxins, metals, introduced DNA, introduced mRNA. We have done this by believing in the religion of vaccines manufactured in the interest of profit and not in the interest of humanity. When I wittness the hurt/death that medicine has inflicted across a lifetime it still shocks me. We are a commodity that is used and spent in a corrupt system of manipulation. I cannot safely vote for a bipartisan candidate without wondering which corrupt side they are going to choose? The ignorance is rampant and people choose to ignore and continue the destruction. Sometimes people wonder why I am silent, it is because I wait for the opportunity to reach them so they will hear it inside their hearts, not from someone telling.

    • Jamie says:

      The next time someone without a medical license gives you medical advice or asks a personal medical question such as ” Have you had your flu shot” Reply with the following, ” What is your full name? (Type the name the date and the store name into your phone for later use) ” Do you have a medical license ?”
      “Did you know that I can sue you personally for giving medical advice without a license?”

      Then call the store and complain that non medical personal are giving medical advice and that the store and the non-medical person can be sued for giving said advice. A class action suit is warranted as well as boycotting the stores and businesses that engage in this behavior. My father is an Doctor and has called stores out on this behavior, right on the spot.

      • Anon says:

        I surely like your suggestion re questioning them if they have a medical license, etc…Superb.

      • Yourdifferentchildisnormal says:

        Thank you Jamie, I will do that. I think I was at a moment where I needed to either go get my son or speak up to idiots and time was short so I left. I was inflammed though. I also believe that Walgreens is definately not a place to ever go to get anything no matter how small.

  6. Rachel says:

    This is my story:

    Yes I’m an Anti-Vaxxer and proud of it. I wasnt always this way though. Listen up all you die hard Pro-Vaxxers and skeptics out there who think that Anti-Vaxxers are just a bunch of nut jobs with nothing better to do, I was you!! I used to have blind faith in modern medicine, I used to believe that I was so fortunate to live in a time when doctors were so educated and the medical system so advanced. I thought that vaccines were totally safe and that all doctors always acted in good faith in the best interest of their patients. Boy, was I in for one hell of a reality check.

    After the birth if my third child, life was good. He was a beautiful bouncing baby boy, so smart, so happy. He was developing normally, hitting all of his milestones and even surpassing a few. I remember feeling guilty for falling behind on my sons vaccine schedule,  because life was just so hectic. He ended up getting his 2 month shots at 6 months old and his 4 month shots at 12 months old. Both times he had redness and swelling at the injection sites, fever, lethargy, upper respiratory infection, refusal to eat for a week and so on. All of which I believed was normal after constant reassurance from the doctors. At his 15 month appointment the nurse offered to get him all caught up on his vaccines which meant he would have to get 8 shots that day. After I expressed concern about so many shots at one time the nurse insisted that it was completely safe and that there was no risk. After careful consideration, I agreed to only 3 shots that day (tdap, pneumo, hib, flu) and planned for the rest (including MMR) to be given over the following months.

          I think back on that day as the one I regret the most. After which my life and the life of my precious child would never be the same. When we returned home, he displayed the same reaction symptoms as before, only this time it was much worse. After a high fever for 10 days and numerous trips to the ER, his smiles and laughter dissappeared only to be replaced by an empty blank stare, his words replaced by silence, his kisses and hugs replaced by an emotionless void, and no one and nothing existed to him anymore. The bright future he had was robbed from him. It was every bit as heartbreaking as losing him, even though he was still physically here. It was as if someone had flipped a switch and suddenly turned the lights out. His personality, his spark, the very essence of who he is, was gone. When I confronted the doctor I was met with claims of coincidence, blantant ignorance, and denial. It was then that I realized that everything I thought I knew was wrong. Sometimes in life, it takes the truth to slap us in the face so hard we finally open our eyes.

    I am an Anti-Vaxxer and these are my confessions, I wish that I had known, I wish that I had listened. My son will carry the curse of my former ignorance for the rest of his life. And the burden of shame and regret of which I will bear for the rest of mine. To all of you parents out there who still don’t believe that vaccines cause autism, please don’t be like me. Don’t wait until it happens to you or someone you know. Please open your eyes and see the truth by listening to the experiences of others, before it slaps you in the face.

  7. Sarah says:

    Thank you for your story!! No matter how many times I read stories like yours, I am still heartbroken and dumbfounded and angry and hopeless. So many highs (the realization that you can save yourself/others!) and lows (the realization that the industry runs deep and seems truly unstoppable!) … It takes courage to share a story that most will not accept so thank you again. I would love to know the name of the pediatrician who helped your son, if you are able to share/email. My oldest was vaccinated through 2 years until my baby at the time had a reaction and we stopped everything. Now he’s 7, and I feel strongly the toxins and metals that have been stuck in him (plus leaky gut) are contributing to his autistic-like symptoms that have been escalating over the years. Thanks for considering.

  8. k says:

    That was an amazing story. You will help many with your words. Thank you for sharing.

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