So how did I get here? Well it all started four years ago; that’s when my mission began. It’s brought me to today and knowing all I know now. It’s given me the tools I need to be happy, positive and surround myself with the people I need and want in my life. Slowly but surely life has moved all the right pieces to get me here. It also brought me to a book by the name of E2: Nine Do-It-Yourself Energy Experiments that Prove Your Thoughts Create Your Reality, by Pam Grout. What’s this you ask? Well, it’s probably the most amazing and encouraging book ever! It’s opened my eyes to things I’ve been surrounded with and for some dumb reason I failed or chose to not see. I’ve only read a few pages of it, and its changed my life in ways I never thought a book could. How can a book do that? Well, I’ll explain.
When autism came into our lives all was bad, bad, bad, bad. Why was it so bad? Well, because I, for the most part, made it that way. Instead of asking myself FOR WHAT PURPOSE is this happening? I asked WHY ME? WHY MY SON? WHY US? I focused on how horrible things were instead of seeing what life was trying to teach me. When I heard Alex’s diagnosis at seven months pregnant with my daughter, my husband was laid off, we were losing our house, and to top it off we were now living in my aunt’s garage. My thought was, “OMG, this is horrible! Why am I having another child if my first born is sick? If my husband doesn’t have a job? How will we do this? Waa-waa-waa.”
I bitched and moaned and missed the beauty and health that awaited us because of this. For so long I focused on what my son COULDN’T do and failed to appreciate everything he COULD do. I focused on all the things we didn’t have and failed to thank God for all we did have. Every time Alex mastered a new skill I wanted more: I wanted something else; I was never content with what was in front of me. My son started saying a few words, but I wanted more. He said his first sentence, but I wanted three sentences. When his sleep issues started I started complaining too. I went to bed thinking he would get up at night, and guess what? He DID. I went to the store with him thinking it would be very hard and hectic, and guess what? It WAS. I started a new diet and thought to myself, ‘This is gonna be painful,’ and it was. See where I’m going with this? Yeah, think negatively, and negative things will happen.
Now let me give you examples of how positive or wishful thinking (as I call it) works. Two years ago, while walking through the mall, I spotted a brown leather jacket at Express. I walked up to it; I touched it. Then I did what I always do: I looked at the price tag and thought, ‘HELL NO!There’s no way I can spend $110 dollars on me. Alex could use that for a test, or a supplement, or food. I can’t buy myself that.’ So I left without even trying it on. A few days went by, and I again went to the mall and there it was again, just waiting for me to try it on. So I did. It felt perfect. It fit perfect. It was made for me. But then that price tag again and me thinking I couldn’t possibly be selfish enough to spend my husband’s hard-earned money on a jacket.
So about two months went by, and I still wanted that jacket. I walked by it so many times and wished someone would give it to me. Then when my birthday rolled around, I didn’t do anything to celebrate as we were too busy with Alex’s recovery. One day as we visited my best friend, his sister came over too. She had with her a birthday present for me. I thought, ‘How sweet of her to think of me.’ I didn’t have a party or anything, but she still decided to go out and buy me a present.
I didn’t open it while at my friend’s even though I was eager to. I waited until we got in our car and headed home. I ripped into the box like a kid on Christmas morning, and then the unbelievable happened! It was that brown leather jacket I’d been eying for over two months at the mall! How did she know I wanted it? I looked at my husband with an accusing look on my face, and he looked back at me with a “what is wrong with you?” look on his. I said to him, “You told her I wanted this jacket, didn’t you?” His response was, “I didn’t even know you liked leather!” So, because I wished so hard that one day I would own that jacket, it happened.
This book made me realize that I had, without even realizing it, brought on good and positive things. It opened my eyes to much more, lots of things that have happened in my life that I didn’t really pay too much attention to or took as coincidences. It wasn’t coincidence; it was my positive energy calling good things and that jacket into my closet. As easy as that, think positive and positive will happen, whatever that positive may be to you.
So what do I do now with the knowledge I’ve gained with this book? Did I mention I’m only a few pages in? I think I did, but — what the heck? — I’ll brag about it again. I’m at the point where I see that I’ve fought and fought and fought, not realizing I had won already. Yes, I won. I am where I want to be, and I cannot wait to experience all the wonderful things that are to come. My husband has a very good job, where he is appreciated and rewarded for his hard work. Julie is a great big sister who Alex has learned so much from. We even have a third beautiful son who came unannounced but has brought with him so many blessings. Everything in this life happens for a reason. You might not realize it right away, but don’t you worry. You’ll find out soon enough. I always wanted another son, one I could do things right with, one I wouldn’t vaccinate. I wished and dreamed of it, but didn’t have the courage to pursue it. Well Santi came and I am glad he did. I called for him and the universe responded. We recently bought a home as well, no more bouncing from one place to another for us. Alex is talking and being a goofball as I always knew he was.
Alex is talking in sentences. How could I have missed it? Just this morning we had a conversation in the kitchen that lasted about five minutes. Why didn’t I see this before? Alex will be where he needs to be soon. Or is he there already? Has he just been waiting for me to join him? Has he been waiting for Mommy to realize we’ve won already? Have we completed our mission? I am sure I will find the answer to these questions soon — very, very soon.
I will end with a suggestion, a challenge, call it what you will: get the book. It’s been the best $2.99 (Kindle version) I’ve ever spent in my life. Get the book read it and enjoy the happy ride. Good things are awaiting you. It’s up to YOU to see them and let them in.
More about Alex, me and my leather jacket and our journey at :
There’s Always Hope,
~ Lucia Alonso