Sh*t Autism Moms Say…

OMG, he totally needs to be chelated!

I’m in yeast hell.

Did he poop? How did it look? Yellow or brown? Solid? Was it solid-solid or like soft-serve ice cream??

Do you do TMG or DMG?

I’m so psyched! My supplement order is coming today!

I’m thinking about re-organizing my supplement cabinet.

Have you tried melatonin? Have you tried GABA?  Have you tried 5-HTP?

There’s soy and gluten in this.  Garbage.

(Yells from the bathroom) “Honey, did you give the 11:00 dose?”

How much OT, PT, ST andABAdid you get in your IEP… 20 minutes… Me too… Schools don’t get it.

Did his labs come back??? Let’s meet for coffee.  I’m DYING to hear about his amino acid panel…

Thank God! My kid is recovered. <TWITCH-STIM-MOUTH>


‎Holy shit! The guests will be here any minute! HIDE ALL THE SUPPLEMENTS!

Did you use the French lab?

{{on phone}} “No, sorry girl. I can’t meet you at Whole Foods today. My shipment of Camel Milk is coming and I don’t want it to sit on the porch.”

You know… the French pee test? No I don’t know how to spell it.

Good morning. My son will be late for school this morning because he has been up since 2 AM and just fell back to sleep.  I will bring him to school around noon.

We have the HBOT in our bedroom, and my walk-in closet looks like a drug dealer’s:  IV supplies, supplements…

‎OMG, if I have to hear that fuckingHollandpoem one more time I am going to hurt someone.

Oh I totally hate Autism Speaks too!

Dr. Wakefield is SO hot.

‎”I can’t wait for vacation this year. Nothing like warm weather.” “Oh! Where are you going?” “To Rossignol with a stop over at Frye’s. It’s going to be fucking awesome!”

No hands in pants!

Waiter! There’s a piece of gluten in my soup!

Yes, I am sorry. We ordered that hamburger with no bun. Yes, JUST the hamburger patty.

Yes, us too! We are GFCFSFEF, artificial free and mostly SCD.”

‎Yes, I’ll be off Facebook in a second.

Facebook is important!

Can I get pharmaceutical grade Epsom salt by the truckload? I have room for a salt pile in the backyard, and buying in bulk is just so much easier.

Do you get that compounded?

Just wash off the blue coating first before you give it.

I was being stalked by a cardinal and it led me to CEASE. HA.

I finally organized supplement times, and it only took 30 Excel sheets.

Biomed pickup lines:  “Baby, you have nice veins.”  “Hey baby, let’s go back to my place and do some compounding.”  “Baby, you’re so hot, you must be breaking out a virus!”

Flu shot?? I’d rather chew on a mercury thermometer…

‎”Are you going to AO?” “Are you going to NAA?” “Are you going to the DAN conference?”

Are you friends with Amy on FB? She’s a virus expert.

‎Oh!! You’re soooo nice! Would you like be our fecal donor?

Woohoo!!! A detox rash!!!!!

UGH. Brian Deer is such an asshole!

No you can’t have Lucky Charms. Blue is not a food group.

I am detecting notes of clostridia, with a yeasty finish.

If this HBOT’s a rocking, don’t come a knocking.


OK Guys, what else have you got to add to our list?

Pin It
This entry was posted in Blogs by Thinking Moms' Revolution, Goddess TMR. Bookmark the permalink.

72 Responses to Sh*t Autism Moms Say…

  1. Toddette says:

    “do you actually talk to him though?”
    “oh shit! Am I meant to??!! Do you think that will help him to speak now that he is 5 yrs old and we’ve not spoken a word since birth???????! Morons!!

  2. Thinkingmom2 says:

    To my husband yesterday:
    “School starts next week!! I gotta get to whole foods later to stock up on
    SUPPLEMENTS!!! We have plenty melatonin, but we are low on GABA & omegas. Also I think we should double up on the probiotics this weekend to make sure his gut is ready for the first day of school.”

  3. Sandi says:

    Thanks for a real crack up, can’t wait to show my hubby ! Oh and we say all too often – it might be up her nose ! :0). ps – Our daughter has Smith-Magenis syndrome and her nutritional intervention has helped her beyond what we ever imagined !

  4. dawn goodwin says:

    Cancer moms do this too!!! In fact, it’s my strong belief that – if the powers-that-be ever allow the truth to come out – we’re going to find that the SAME environmental insults that cause autism also cause childhood cancer. (Of course, our entire economy relies upon status quo, so who really wants the truth to come out?) It’s grueling, being on the outside of that safe little box, but the conversation is definitely more interesting . . .

  5. Dawn says:

    Thanks for understanding me and the laugh, I sure needed both after the meetings with our new teachers last week!

  6. Cathy says:

    “He’s got a little fever. Yes!!!”

    “He ate a grape today!” (about my 11 year old)

    “He ate a sandwich today!” (about my 11 year old)

    “Will there be any babies at the party?”

  7. LisaL says:

    “So Dr. Rossignol is moving to California? Oh good, now we can finally justify that West Coast vacation we can’t afford!”

  8. Carolyn M says:

    Sleep is probably overrated, but I would like to find that out for myself one day.

  9. debbie says:

    Somebody gets it….

  10. Jane Casey says:

    Is it lacto-fermented?

  11. Nicole says:

    Waiter! There’s a piece of gluten in my soup!


  12. Sharie says:

    Wife to husband after an unholy mess of a day: Honey…don’t you want to eat dinner?

    Husband: No.

    Wife: Why not?

    Husband: ‘Cause then I’ll keep on living.

  13. Sherry Eshraghi says:

    Oh, I also often say: “I hate Autism” And “That SOB of a pediatritian, I wish I could just slap him hard ONCE!”

  14. Dawn Sinisi says:

    Are we having a full moon?

  15. Robyn says:

    Do you soak your nuts?

  16. Christine says:

    “Honey we are just making a quick stop at Dr Rossignol, we are still going to Disneyland”
    “No, we are not getting on the elevetor. We just like to watch it and press the buttons” [in my best “why the heck are you asking voice]
    “No, you cannot eat that! It has artifical colors, milk, artifical colors, high fructose corn syrup, and …….crap. It will kill your brain cells.”
    “No one likes shots honey, but if you stress yourself out, your veins will contrict.”
    “Miss, don’t you dare use that hand dryer or I will have to kill you.”
    “Yes, he is a bit hyper, BUT HE HAS AUTISM AND YOU COULD BE NICER!”

  17. Kristin k says:

    OMG – I about peed my pants – this list is awesome!

    I’m doing frequency healing with my son to kill virus and bacteria because he also has PANDAS.

    My big question “Can you feel the energy push… Is it too strong?”.

    And for those PANDAS parents “what was his titters at this time”. “Am I going to have to beg for an antibiotic this time?”

  18. Robyn says:

    “she’s just tired, she needs a nap” (I use this one almost every day!)

    “I’d make her a tinfoil helmet to shield the emf’s, but her hair analysis said she’s high in aluminum”

  19. Tracy Weinstock says:

    Ever since Autism One where I learned about TMR and had the pleasure of meeting dragonslayer I look forward to TMR blogs like I used to look forward to the Potterybarnkids catalog in the good ol’ days. So many blogs move me so much that I am too emotional to comment because words are not enough. Tonight, reading this made me laugh for the first time in a very long time. Not fake laugh, like we do to make our family and friends think we are still ok, but really laugh out loud all by myself. No one I see day to day understands my life like the Thinking Moms! I can come up with the words to say thanks for making me smile! And Wakefield is so so incredibly HOT!

  20. Happy says:

    YOU FLUSHED! You know you are not supposed to flush before I look at it!

    Our annual vacation is going to see Rossignol too. Sad but true.

  21. Carolyn Guzman Fitzenreiter says:

    That’s not a “behavior.” It’s a “symptom.”

  22. Carolyn Guzman Fitzenreiter says:

    Smells like strep.

  23. Carolyn M says:

    Now What is causing reflux?

    The CD (or DVD, VCR, etc) is Broken. Mom (or Dad, depending) will have to fix it first (or get a new one if referring to DVD or CD). Also, the variant for an electrical outage: “The electricity is broken. We have to wait for someone to fix it.”

    They don’t make that supplement anymore. Now what can I substitute for it?

  24. Vicki Hill says:

    Thank you, doctor. You want us to do a DNA test. And exactly how do you think that will help my son?

    Yes, Mrs. ___. I’ll be happy to tell him that he shouldn’t yell at his teacher. He is 19 years old. I’m sure no one ever told him that before and Mom telling him now will instantly change his behavior.

  25. Madeline Melo says:

    Oh and Dr. Wakefield is HOT , so is Dr. Palevsky and Brian Deer is an ASSHOLE!

  26. Madeline Melo says:

    Another of my favorites. While at the supermarket.
    (To the cashier that tells me that there are other lines open)

    “No thank you, my son likes the number 2”

  27. Madeline Melo says:

    * “No baby, mommy doesn’t understand when you scream, use your words”

  28. Recovering Ty says:

    “I meant to tell you there is a poop smear on the wall in the back hallway,” said Dh. “I know, I meant to ask you to wash it off….” 😉

  29. Planetpj says:

    Are all the iPods set?

    Text to my husband “Pill Time”

  30. Shannon says:

    We are on the playground and my child is blocking the slide line by staying at the top of the slide….The children are getting impatient with her and I’m trying to talk her down and calm the children and I turn to the children in a calm voice and say”Shhhh…..she is an alien from another planet and we need to be kind to help her understand….(yes! it works I have time to get her down without a bunch of angry children and they start asking to meet the “alien” my daughter:)

  31. Carolyn S. says:

    Yes, she is wearing mittens and a winter hat when it is 95 degrees in the south.
    Did you get that swing from IKEA?
    You need to stock up on GSE, OOO, OLE, VSL3 to get rid of yeast/bacteria
    Do you ferment your own cabbage?
    How many billion CFU’s after manufacture is that?
    No, I am not going to “Light it up blue”
    It’s die off

  32. Kori Kitts says:

    Make sure you remind the grandparents that this is the gfcf free cabinet for utensils, bowls, and pans. No one touches the bread maker again except me!

    If one more person says, “God won’t give you more than you can handle” when I have two on spectrum, they might get hurt!

  33. Sue Cranmer says:

    That stuff on the window?? Probably shit!

  34. Ironmuffin says:

    Hilarious!!! Pssst, hey…wanna see my SCOBY?

  35. Sherry Eshraghi says:

    This was too funny!!! Seriously laughed out LOUD!!

  36. Chris says:

    That is absolutely hilarious. I can see myself in 90% of those. Brilliant Brilliant Brilliant. Nice not to feel alone (an autism Dad).

  37. Blaze says:

    Text me a pic of his poop…just this time don’t do it at dinner time!

    You know that ______ is poison… (almost anything can fit in the blank…formula, cereal, restaurant/cafeteria food, cleaning supplies, processed food, hair products, anything advertised on TV, pharma drugs, air, water…I could go on…)

    I only wear clothes from Target because the fish oil alone costs me $70/month!

    • Cheryl Bailey says:

      Target!?! TARGET?? girl I consider that a luxury..mine are bargain end Salvation Army or hand me outs…( it’s not hand me downs when you are over 40…just sayn’)

      • KathyS says:

        Exactly what I was thinking! Target counts as high fashion these days. But a few stylish tshirts from there sure can punch up the “hand me ups” and Goodwill finds.

      • Dawn says:

        Haha, yep can so relate! Goodwill and Freecycle here. And it is all being worn until it literally falls apart. Seem too lately like I only ever own 4 items still decent enough to leave the house in, 1 of each, tops and bottoms for both seasons. And oh, it is a really GOOD day when I have to leave and they are NOT clean!

    • Professor says:

      Good ones, Blaze!

  38. Julie says:

    Your son giggled…..that’s yeast you know!

  39. Cheryl Bailey says:

    First off I am still laughing and so sad that 15 years after we had this talk on a yahoo site…families are still living this hell.
    My quote every week at least once…”No it is not called autism, it’s call VACCINE DAMAGE and yes I can prove it.”

    “No I can’t help that family, they refused to look into biomed, and keep using the same doctor that got them into this mess, when they want to listen to me, tell them to call, they have my number, someone else already tried to get them to contact me.”

    “No I am not cutting line of cocaine, these are supplements I have crushed and am putting into a form my son can swallow.” ( Actually said that to a teenager who walked in after mowing my yard, and found me at the kitchen table with a bag of white power)

  40. shelly Meier says:

    Activated charcoal may be what is causing this lack of poop, but we need it for the die off!

  41. Lindsay McKeown says:

    The sofa won’t fit on the kitchen table, Darling. Please put it back in the other room…

  42. shelly Meier says:

    10:30 pm “mommy im ready for bed”
    We are not going to sleep until you poop bc we are chelating and you have to poop every day! Mommy will let you watch that dolphin movie that she took away from you last week because you were stimming to it for over a month…you can watch it right now at 11pm, if you take this magnesium citrate and buffered C and eat these gfcfsf chocolate chips and an almond butter and organic fruit spread sandwich to make you poop, and drink lots of organic diluted orange juice with superberries in it right now!!!!!

  43. Michelle Gillard says:

    This is awesome!!! Finally someone who speaks my language!! I live in a small community and everyone thinks I’m crazy with all the homeopaths and supplements my kids take! But I know the difference they have made in our lives!! Does anyone out there really have a HBOT in thier house? If so, how would I go about doing that, I am afraid I need an expert to implement the program properly. Any suggestions?? By the way all you awesome mom’s out there keep me going, thanks for all the posts!!

    • Christine says:

      Oh Ya! We have an HBOT in our house. My son now calls his former bedroom (all decorated in Pottery Barn kids stuff that he will never use) “The HBOT room” He sleeps in the “guest room”. You can rent a unit or buy one. All you need is an RX and you are good to go. You may be–or not be– surprised by how quickly you get used to using it. It is the one therapy that: 1) I get a break while doing; 2) I benefit from directly (I feel better from HBOT).

  44. Maryann of Matthew's Puzzle says:

    LOL loved the one about vacationing at Rossignol’s!

  45. Madre says:

    Watch out for full moon behaviors from the parasites.

  46. Caryn says:

    Do you know how to interpret a Western Blot?

    MMS Rocks!

  47. Deborah Z. O'Leary (@REALMOMMA2155) says:

    Just read the weekly FUA’s on Poppy’s FB. There are always some good ones!

  48. Marco says:

    Awesome, you going to see that doctor? Are you taking a cooler full of frozen poop?

Leave a Reply to Cheryl Bailey Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *