I wanted to wow you. 
I wanted to blow you away.
I wanted to be clever.
I wanted to be brilliant.
I had it all planned out.
It was going to be great.
October 31 was an open blog date on the TMR calendar. Halloween! Surely I could write something clever and spooktacular. I signed up for the spot. This time I was actually going to write something. Something fantastic. And <gasp> I’d link it to my brilliant Halloween costume idea!! I couldn’t wait!
This year Hubby and I were going to a Halloween party as The Terminator and Sarah Connor. I’d use my amateur face-painting skills to replicate the half-metallic face of Arnold, and do some amazing special-effects makeup that would wow the TMR readers. I myself would don the traditional “Sarah Connor in Terminator 2: Judgment Day” garb. My Halloween blog post would have pics of the most amazing costumes ever and draw parallels to my ongoing battle to help my son.
Sarah Connor represents the Warrior Mom. Shell-shocked and half-crazy, she tries and tries to convince the rest of humanity of a future where machines run the earth. Skynet will take over the world. The Terminator is coming to destroy her son and everyone will perish in apocalyptic doom. The four weeks prior to writing this were filled with hubris. I saw myself as Sarah herself. After all, I try daily to convince friends and family that Monsanto is evil and out to destroy us. The FDA can’t be trusted. Big Pharma has been corrupted and is bent on keeping us in bondage. I was Linda Hamilton’s doppelganger. Never mind that I’m Hispanic and have curly hair. Ooooh… this would be good! Very grandiose. An epic blog post for the REVOLUTION!!!! YES! Very me.
Saturday afternoon arrived. It was time to get dressed up and go the costume party. The day was filled with errands and we got a late start on hubby’s Terminator makeup. The fake skin wouldn’t stick. He couldn’t keep his red contact lens in. He kept tearing up and ruining the makeup I’d so painstakingly applied. Then the motorcycle wouldn’t start. We were late. We fought. The kids needed to be fed before the babysitter arrived. Our son wouldn’t sit still. He was afraid of us in the costumes and pitched a fit. I had to chase him around the backyard. We only managed to get a very few pictures. None were on the bike. Nothing was turning out the way I’d planned.
And now I sit to write and all I can think is… I’m no Sarah Connor. I’m no Terminator. This isn’t a movie. This is real life. The truth is I’m tired. My son was up at 2:30 a.m. last night because of a diet infraction and out-of-control yeast. Is it difficult? Yes. Does it suck? Definitely. But it’s hardly an indestructible, liquid-metal Terminator monster disguised as a police officer. I recently started a brand-new business I’m over the moon excited about, but skincare is a long way from a Mexican bunker filled with Uzis and AK47s. Sure, I fight. I fight to get out of bed in the morning. I fight to keep up with the laundry. I fight to get the kids to sleep at night. I fight to keep their diets clean. I fight for services at school and to keep my son on his home campus. And, yes, I could honestly sit here and tell myself, and the rest of you, that we are all Sarah Connors at heart. In many ways we are. I think most of us are just as passionate about our kids, and many of us are willing to go up against “Skynet” and speak out for the things we believe in. But at the end of the day, it’s not the fight that makes us great. It’s the love.
Wait a minute… Hmmmm… maybe there’s more Sarah in me than I give myself credit for. Maybe. When all is said and done, we’re just moms. Me, you, Sarah. Just moms. It’s hard for me to imagine her wiping poop off the wall or explaining to strangers why her son just dropped his pants in the middle of the restaurant. Though I imagine she’d look pretty badass doing it in those black military pants and that tactical vest. Maybe I should try wearing that outfit next time we go out in public.
My own fatigues generally consist of sweatpants and a comfy sweater. My battle plans look like supplement schedules. My rations are gluten free, dairy free, corn free and potato free. My weapons are supplements and homeopathic tinctures. My army is a group of autism moms I met on Facebook. My orders are “never give up on your son.”
The problem with my original idea is I had it all wrong. The parallels aren’t about Skynet and Big Pharma. It’s not our war against the inevitable apocalypse that makes us kindred spirits. It isn’t our “rage against the machine” (pun intended) that drives us. It’s love. The love we have for our children. Pure and simple.
For many of you tonight will be a difficult evening, filled with tantrums and dietary infractions and neighbors who don’t understand. You will deal with sensory overload and the pain of seeing your little one refuse to participate the way the other kids do. Stress will overcome you and you may go to bed in tears. But you are a Sarah and you will endure. At the end of the day, it’s not the fight that makes us Mother Warriors. It’s the love. And that love will see you through.
God bless,
~ Tex
For more blogs from Tex, please click here.
Hi Tex! This is my first visit to thinkingmomsrevolution.com. I seen it through DynaVox Mayer-Johnson on Facebook and thought I would check it out. Your post is the first I have read and my gosh do I feel like that. Today of all days; I had a school ARD this afternoon and they refuse to accept my child can be taught despite her inability to use her body or her mouth for words. My child has Cerebral Palsy. What you have written is amazing. I wish all good things for you and your family. 🙂
Thanks Amanda! So sorry I’m just now seeing your comment. I’m sending up a little prayer for you and your little one this evening. Much love to you. I hope you’ll stick around TMR and read more of the blog posts. There are some amazing moms here and one great dad. I bet you’ll be able to relate to A LOT of what we go through/write about. <3
This was the first year my 6 year old son understood what trick or treating is and even though he only wanted to go out before dark it made me happy that he was able to have fun for a little bit. We went home when he wanted to and he helped pass out candy at grandmas house before we went home. My husband and I went to a Halloween party the Friday before Halloween and I had to wait till our son was at grandmas before I got in my costume so I would not scare him. It’s nice to hear that we are not alone in this fight.
Love to you Suzi. No. You’re not alone. TMR is here and we can all relate to each other on *some* level. I hope the rest of the holiday season goes well for you and your family. Keep your eyes on the blog. I bet there will be a lot you can relate to around here! 🙂
Loved reading it, Tex. So much resonated with me. Hugs
Thanks Marianna!!! HUGS!!!
awesome Tex. I was blown away by your halloween pictures and definitely by this blog.
you rock
Ana
Love you Ana! Thanks for your support. <3
Loved this post, Tex!
Great message. It IS all about the love. Well said.
Thanks Beth!
Fantastic post Tex!!! You accomplished the Wow! 🙂
I can relate to it all…the high hopes, the reality of life crashing in, the epiphany of you thinking one thing then discovering actually something far more valuable and insightful after all, all of it. I can relate. I think we all can.
My eyes filled and my throat caught as I read “My orders are ‘never give up on your son'”…Never, ever in a million years and I thank God I have the army of Thinking Moms with me persevering, battling on, with love in our hearts and research in our minds! Awesome post!!
So glad it touched you. I honestly believe when we are transparent – we can relate to one another on a more profound level. Thanks for your encouragement and support. <3
Loved this post! Love the analogies. I totally get it. You are right. It is about the love. What else could drive us to fight this fight? To get up and do it all over again. Especially love….” My battle plans look like supplement schedules. My rations are gluten free, dairy free, corn free and potato free. My weapons are supplements and homeopathic tinctures. My army is a group of autism moms I met on Facebook. My orders are “never give up on your son.” ”
I think you said it perfectly.
Thank you. When it’s honest – writing comes easily to me. It’s when I’m *trying* that I struggle. So glad you could relate. <3
Tu sabes mi alma, mi Amiga y mi corazon es con tigo, con nosotros! It is the love! ♥
Cierto hermana!!!
Love this post! Shared with a quote from you. Thank you for this.
Thank *you*. The support is awesome. Curious… what was the quote???? I don’t think I’ve ever been quotable before!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂
This year I had a neighbor ask me if she could coordinate a few houses to have treats for b (3 yrs old) that he is allowed to have. What a blessing. Too bad he still doesn’t get it and is scared of costumes. We are passing on Halloween this year. But I was very touched by her kindness.
Good luck and Godspeed to all you families out there!
Thanks and God bless you as well. What a wonderful neighbor!!! Wish there were more people like her out there. Enjoy the “stresslessness” of being able to keep it relaxed. I know there’s a *pang* when your kiddo can’t enjoy what some of the other kids enjoy. In time he may learn to enjoy certain aspects of the holiday. My little guy (7) actually wanted to pick out a costume this year. It blew me away. He’s always seemed indifferent. Hang on to your Sarahness. It’s the love that sees us through!! <3