I Believe the Words You’re Looking for Are “Thank You”

(In another departure, we are reposting this blog by Julie Bailey Obradovic, that originally ran on her personal blog on January 29, 2015.  We thought it was an important and eloquent expression of something that many, many parents have in common. )

On November 15, 2002, we went out to celebrate my husband’s birthday. My aunt had kindly offered to watch our two children for us while we celebrated. It was generous of her to do so, and we gratefully took her up on it. We had a wonderful evening . . . until we returned.

She was standing in the hallway just coming down from the stairs of our split-level home as we entered around 1 a.m. Even though it was dark, her face was clear as day, and it was not displaying a good expression. If anything, she looked as if she had just witnessed a horrible tragedy.

Immediately, without asking us about our evening, she urged us to go upstairs and check on our daughter. According to her, our baby had let out a scream unlike she had ever heard only moments before. She truly thought someone had entered the house and had stabbed her, and she was just about to call 9-1-1.

After racing upstairs, she scooped her up out of the crib still mid-scream. The way she described it, Eve was screaming so hard that she couldn’t breathe, her face red with excruciating pain, arching her back as if to fall back into the crib the whole time. Eventually, she stopped, but not in a normal way. She collapsed in my aunt’s arms, as if to pass out. Although still breathing, she wouldn’t wake. My aunt feared she was dying.

Right then, we got home.

Because I didn’t hear the scream, something I have only heard in my dreams since, I couldn’t gauge the seriousness of what had happened accurately. I knew my aunt was the last person to overreact, and given her panic, I realized something was very wrong. We ran upstairs to find Eve just as she had left her, appearing to be sleeping peacefully in her crib.

I called her pediatrician immediately. Eve had been suffering from repeated and chronic ear infections for over 14 months at that time, at least 11 at our last count, and had been on at least that many rounds of antibiotics, each one a stronger, harsher version than the next, none of which ever did anything to alleviate them. In fact, her gums, her lips, her vagina, and her butt were covered in yeast as a result, and patches of eczema were popping up on her elbow and knee creases as well (something that finally cleared with an antifungal).

I suspected she had another ear infection, which often made her scream at night, and tried not to worry too much. I also tried to calm my aunt who said she knew what a baby crying from ear pain sounded like, and this was not it. She was adamant we go to the hospital.

When the doctor finally called back, he believed it was likely ear pain too given her history, told us to give her some pain reliever, and to bring her to the office in the morning. If anything else happened, we were to go to the emergency room, but he didn’t believe it was worthy of a trip right then.

Because over a year’s worth of my instinct that something was seriously wrong with Eve had been disregarded by my pediatricians, and twice, had been criticized for it, I chose to obey the doctor’s orders. I was tired of being made to feel like I was a bad mom by wanting to do other than what they said.

My aunt was upset. She offered to stay overnight with our son if we would just go. She offered to go with me if Matt wanted to stay home. She pleaded. She begged. And when I finally promised to take Eve in the morning first thing, she reluctantly got her coat and said in a way she had never spoken to me, “I have been a mother for 30 years. I was an aunt to you and all of your cousins. I have been around children and babies my whole life. I am telling you, Julie Ann, I have never heard a baby scream like that. Ever. Something is wrong.”

The next day she was not diagnosed with another ear infection. She didn’t have one, but in an effort to try to prevent them, they scheduled her for ear tube surgery. She would have it December 16th, which she did. It did not stop the ear infections that continued for the next two years, and no explanation for the high-pitched, back-arching screaming fit was ever given. It was as if it never happened.

On December 21st, I gave Eve a bath, careful not to get any water in her ears. I was so hopeful that the surgery would put behind the nightmare of illnesses and strange symptoms that had started with an undiagnosed, hot burning rash on her face at one month old, continued with a large, hot, lump on her leg where she received several shots at 4 months old and never went away for weeks, and then finally manifested as one long ear infection beginning at 5 months until now.

Between the constipation interspersed with yellow diarrhea, the eczema, her hair starting to fall out, the gait she was walking with, the incessant drooling around 12 months, and the hypotonia that had developed around 10 months, I had had enough.

Finally, finally, finally, I thought, this would be behind us. Finally, my baby girl would be healthy. No more antibiotics and their side effects. No more nebulizers for respiratory infections. No more covering her ears at the sound of the vacuum or singing. No more prescription creams for skin rashes. No more sleepless nights. No more.

I wrapped Eve in a towel and called Matt to grab the camera. In my newfound sense of relief and hope, I wanted to capture the beginning of a new chapter for her. He met me in her bedroom and together we tried our hardest to make her laugh and smile to get a great photo. (These were the days before digital cameras, and film was not something you wasted.)

julie and daughter

Within a few minutes, I realized something I hadn’t until then. Eve had stopped smiling. No matter what we did, no matter how hard we tried, there was nothing, just a vacant, expressionless, unengaged face of angel looking in our direction but not really at us.

Worse, I simultaneously realized, she hadn’t spoken in weeks either. She didn’t have a lot of words that year, but she had words. She pointed, she repeated, and she tried. On the floor of her bedroom that night, actually ever since Matt’s birthday I could prove with video, they were gone.

I quietly asked Matt to put the camera away and got her ready for bed. Without saying a word, I went to my room, turned off the light and lay in the dark on my bed towards the direction of her nursery. Still in my clothes, I stared wide-eyed into the dark, filled with an anxiety that has not left me since.

I knew in that moment . . . I knew in a way that only a mother can know . . . my life, her life, and our baby girl was forever changed, even though I would spend the next two years believing that because a doctor didn’t confirm it, I must be wrong.

A few weeks before Matt’s birthday, Eve received her fourth DT DTP vaccine, her fourth Prevnar vaccine, her third polio vaccine, and her first MMR at the same time. This occurred within days of ending another round of antibiotics. Although we can never prove it because we didn’t go to the hospital that night, nor were the proper tests done the following day, the description of what Eve experienced that night is identical with a condition called “encephalopathy”. That’s a fancy word for brain inflammation and swelling. A high-pitched scream, an arched back, and neurological damage afterwards are a textbook description of the condition.

Here are the symptoms and causes per Medical News Today:

Encephalitis can develop as a result of a direct infection to the brain by a virus, bacterium or fungus (infectious encephalitis, or primary encephalitis), or when the immune system responds to a previous infection; the immune system mistakenly attacks brain tissue (secondary encephalitis, or post-infectious encephalitis).

Primary (infectious) encephalitis: according to the NHS (UK), there are three main categories of viruses: 1. Common viruses, such as HSV (herpes simplex virus) or EBV (Epstein Barr virus). 2. Childhood viruses, such as measles and mumps. 3. Arboviruses, which are spread by mosquitoes, ticks and other insects, and include Japanese encephalitis, West Nile encephalitis and tick-borne encephalitis.

Secondary (post-infectious) encephalitis: could be caused by a complication of a viral infection. Symptoms start to appear days and even weeks after the initial infection. The patient’s immune system treats healthy brain cells as foreign organisms that need to be destroyed, and attacks them. We don’t know why the immune system goes wrong and does this.

Encephalitis is more likely to affect children, elderly people, individuals with weakened immune systems, and people who live in areas where mosquitoes and ticks that spread specific viruses are common.

The package insert of the MMR vaccine lists encephalopathy as a potential, albeit rare, vaccine reaction. So does the DTP. The United States Federal Claims Court for vaccine injuries has also awarded numerous families compensation for children who have suffered encephalopathy following the DTP and MMR, including dozens of children since who have actually been compensated for death caused by the MMR. Yes, per our federal government, more children have been killed by the MMR in the last 10 years than have died from the measles. The threshold of risk-reward benefit appears to have been reached.

Within a year of this episode, I began to research what could possibly be wrong with my daughter and why. Until then, I had implicitly trusted the medical establishment with both of my children’s lives, and my third that was on the way. Even when I doubted their choices, I always did what they told. Always. And when they told me that my daughter was likely not talking because of her brother, and that not all kids crawl, and that it’s normal for kids to shake their heads back and forth, and it’s normal to have constipation for a year, and on and on and on . . . I believed them.

It wasn’t until I had heard about the Homeland Security Act of 2002 and the secret “Lilly Rider” that had been anonymously sneaked in at the 11th hour to protect Eli Lilly and their vaccine preservative Thimerosal from liability (later credited to Dick Armey – R), that I ever, ever, ever questioned vaccines or anything about them. As many people currently believe, I also believed vaccination was a miraculous duty in the modern world. If I needed to get my child a shot at two months old, I was there on that day, no questions asked.

There was no Jenny McCarthy in 2004 when that happened for me. I had no clue who Dr. Wakefield was, what he had published, or how or if that was remotely relevant if at all to my life. There was no Generation Rescue, no Autism Speaks, no Facebook, no Twitter, and very little social media available. At best, you found Yahoo groups where you could gather ideas for research and keep up with the politics. I, like thousands and thousands of other parents across the globe, had to do the research my self.

When my third child was born that year, there were far more questions than answers regarding to what had happened to Eve and why. But within a few months, I learned some frightening things . . . that my brother had had a horrible reaction to the MMR  . . . and that my mother, in spite of repeatedly being given it, had never developed immunity . . . and that the measles virus could take up to 30 days to enter the brain upon exposure.

I learned that the symptoms of everything wrong with my daughter were the symptoms of mercury poisoning . . . that mercury had the power to open the blood-brain barrier and allow viruses, bacteria, and other toxins in that should never be there . . . that she had been injected with mercury on the first day of her life . . . that the CDC had studied children who received no mercury in the first month of life and compared them to children who had received 25 mcg or more and discovered there was a 7.7 relative risk of developing autism (and an 8.35 RR of ADHD), and then redid the study four more times over the next four years to get that risk down to 1.52 . . . and then destroyed, lost, or sent the original data sets offshore so they could never be independently analyzed . . . But only after meeting at Simpsonwood, Georgia to figure out how to protect themselves from lawsuits. I learned how they hired the IOM to exonerate them, and how they lied under oath to Congress on July 18, 2000, pretending to know nothing about that which had just been revealed at Simpsonwood . . . which happens to be my anniversary, and the day I confirmed I was pregnant with Eve.

You can read the whole story and download all of the emails and studies and verify everything for yourself here at www.putchildrenfirst.org or by simply reading David Kirby’s award-winning book about the whole debacle, Evidence of Harm, or Dan Olmsted and Mark Blaxill’s meticulous account of the history of mercury in medicine in their book, Age of Autism. Or you can even save yourself all of that time and watch the new documentary “Trace Amounts” www.traceamounts.com somewhere near you in the next few months.

Many journalists and bloggers and doctors have decided the behavior of the CDC is and has been perfectly normal, that it’s perfectly fine for them to investigate themselves and find themselves not guilty, and that the fact that the explosion of neurological disorders in the generation since (all which are symptoms of mercury poisoning . . . ADHD, autism, speech delay, tics) is nothing more than an unfortunate coincidence. That is actually what a doctor said it was to David Kirby on Meet the Press in 2005 . . . “An unfortunate coincidence.”

And so I had a choice that year as my newborn baby came into the world in 2004. Do the same thing I had with Eve and expect a different result? Or take a step back, really investigate what was happening, read all of the science for myself, and wait. Hold off until I knew more?

Crazily, for 6 months, I did the same I had with Eve. I was too afraid to challenge my doctors. Too afraid to leave my baby unprotected. Too afraid to even bring up the corruption being unearthed at the CDC. I vaccinated my baby on time, every time.

And then she got an ear infection, at the exact month as Eve had first gotten hers. I fell to my knees and begged God . . . begged Him . . . that if he would just spare me this daughter . . . that I would do anything in my power to help kids like Eve and to get to the bottom of what had happened. We stopped vaccinating right then and there.

In my worst moments, I wish every condescending, know-it-all parent, journalist, blogger, and citizen who never had to live through what we did . . . never had to make the decisions I had to make . . . never had to learn of the betrayal of their government and medical community on the back of their child like we did . . . never read a study, or the minutes of Simpsonwood . . . never heard of Brick Township, Frederick Wellman, William Miller, Dr. Elizabeth Peabody Trevett, Poul Thorsen, or Willian Thompson and have no idea why they matter . . . the pain of a medically brain injured child.

I wish all of those people the bullying, the vitriol, the isolation, and the hatred of being a parent in my position.

I wish them the suffering of the loss of a child that is still alive. March 27, 2001, I brought a healthy, beautiful, vibrant baby into this world. Over the next 18 months she got sicker and sicker, all the while no one doing anything to make her better, and on November 15, 2002, the daughter I once had . . . the child she was meant to be, basically died. The baby girl I had given birth to was gone, but not.

I wish them a lifetime of regret. A lifetime of never having closure. A lifetime of anxiety and panic and worry. A lifetime of loss and an indescribable, never-ending soul-wrenching heartache that taints every moment of every day for you, no matter how hard you try it not to.

I wish them the pain of going it alone. Of knowing that because your doctors didn’t do the right tests and file the right reports, you will never see a dime.

I wish them a lifetime of watching drug commercials with side effects taking up half the time and then being told the side effects of vaccines don’t exist . . . and that even if they do . . . even IF they do, they condescendingly say . . . it doesn’t matter. Your child was an acceptable loss to society. Some kids gotta die so more may live. Guess you guys pulled the bad straw.

I wish them seeing commercials of lawyers offering to compensate you on that same drug five years later because you can actually sue drug makers for their shoddy work with those drugs. I wish them knowing what it feels like to know they have no such recourse for their child.

I wish them being told they are liars, and dangerous, and public menaces, even though there is not a shred of evidence of that being true in any capacity of their lives.

I wish them the pain of someone they love and trust and care about, someone they think has their back and believes in them, post a factually incorrect, not-even-kind-of-based-in-truth article or graphic on a controversy they have spent 5 minutes reading about but you have spent every day of every year for 10 years immersed in, and realizing all this time you were wrong. They think you’re a misguided lunatic, and it was easier for them to tell you this in a passive-aggressive way on Facebook than to your face.

I wish them sleepless nights and night terrors where you wake drenched in sweat, certain you are being buried alive or doing everything you can to save your child from a fire but can’t kick the door down.

I wish them at least one suicidal thought because the guilt of what happened on your watch and the anger of why and how and the level of betrayal you feel is so deep you see no other way out of the pain for the rest of your life.

I wish them a lifetime of wondering what their child would have been like. Of never being able to attend a school function, a parent teacher conference, or sporting event and not wondering, what if? Of having children the same age in their families and neighborhoods that went unscathed and wondering, why her? Why you? Why not them? Of every milestone of your healthy children being a reminder of your unhealthy child’s plight. Of never having a single moment of joy for one child without instantaneously feeling sadness at the loss of it for the other.

I wish them hoping, begging, pleading that there really is a heaven so that when they die, they finally get to meet that child.

I wish them being told they are a horrible person for even thinking that.

I wish them this and so much more. In my worst moments, there is so much more.

And then I think, no. I don’t wish that. I actually don’t wish this on anyone. I live in the Twillight Zone, one where my reality is not real according to the authorities. Where my pain, my child, her life, and our loss not only didn’t happen, but that it doesn’t matter if it did. No one, not even the people who hate me for simply not wanting to lose another child in the same way and to protect other parents from the same fate, deserve this.

And so then I wish for two more things. Forgiveness and faith. I pray for forgiveness for my evil thoughts. I pray for forgiveness of myself and the people, policies, and programs put in place that led to this disaster.

I pray for the faith that somehow, some way, this will all get worked out and we can do what every single person on either side of the controversy ultimately wants: to protect kids. To RESPONSIBLY and CAUTIOUSLY prevent infectious AND chronic disease.

I pray for the faith that someday my child’s sacrifice in the war on infectious disease will be honored. Just as we honor those that fall at the disease, I pray someday we will acknowledge, honor, and care for those who fell at the hands of friendly fire. They are just as precious.

I pray for the faith that those responsible for this disaster will someday see justice for what they have done, and even more so, for masterfully taking the blame off themselves and pointing it at the families of the victims. Evil genius, I say.

I pray for faith that there is a reason, even if I never get to know what it is, that this had to happen . . . to Eve and to us.

Meanwhile, I kindly ask that if you believe that Matt and I are a menace to society, bad parents, liars, misguided, delusional, desperate, or any such negative connotation, to have the decency to simply unfriend us, and not just on Facebook, but in all areas of our lives.

If you believe we would truly try to hurt a child, allow the world to explode in infectious disease, or follow quackery, unfriend us.

If you have failed to do your research and do not know that there is a whistleblower lawsuit against Merck right now, by two of their own virologists who claim they were asked to lie about the true efficacy of the MMR vaccine (basically, it’s not working well anymore), unfriend us.

If you believe that we owe you or society the potential loss of the quality of our youngest daughter’s life by exposing her to the same medical procedures that resulted in the actual loss of the quality of our eldest’s, unfriend us.

If you think that didn’t happen to Eve, unfriend us.

If you think you know more about what happened to our daughter than we do because you watched an Upworthy or Penn and Teller video, unfriend us. (Funny, we’re not supposed to listen to celebrities in this issue unless they hold a certain position I guess.)

If you think continuing to inject a pregnant woman, infant, child, or anyone for that matter with a neurotoxin made by Eli Lilly, that has never . . . not even to this day . . . been tested for safety, not to mention was deemed too toxic for dog vaccines way back in 1935 . . .  is an inconsequential responsible health policy, unfriend us.

“We have obtained marked local reaction in about 50% of the dogs injected with serum containing dilutions of Merthiolate (Thimerosal). Merthioiate is unsatisfactory as a preservative for serum intended for use on dogs.”(Director of Biological Services, Pittman-Moore Company, letter to Dr. Jamieson of Eli Lilly Company dated 1935. U.S. Congressional Record, May 21, 2003, E1018, page 9).

If you think the Bush Administration and the CDC could/can be trusted where autism is concerned and have behaved ethically and reliably, and that parents of sick kids, the ones who did exactly as they were told and have no other agenda than to help you protect your own children are the real enemies, unfriend us.

If you think you have the right to judge my family members, siblings, best friends, neighbors, colleagues, and acquaintances who were eyewitnesses to the loss of our child, to our heartache, and will testify to our character and have chosen to take a different path to protect their own children as a result, unfriend us.

And finally, if you think that it’s okay for some children to die so that more may live, I kindly ask that instead of shaming parents who have already given society a child and have decided, “You know what? I’m not giving you another one, and I’m not even going to take a chance on that,” that you reach out them.

I believe the words you are actually looking for for these parents, instead of “stupid,” “misguided,” “maniacs,” “public menaces,” “criminal” and more hateful choices, are “thank you.”

Thank you, for giving your child to the war on infectious disease. Thank you, for taking one for the team. Thank you, for dealing with an insensitive society who has never acknowledged your sacrifice, let alone offered to help you care for your child.

Thank you.

And most important, thank you to the child who gave her life to the effort. Thank her.

Those are the words you should be using. But be prepared. They probably won’t be returned with, “You’re welcome.”

I know I wouldn’t say it. Neither would my daughter. I’m positive she would have preferred her life to have been preserved, as she often now asks me, “Why I am different? Why is it so hard for me to fit in?”

No, I would have never, ever, ever given you or any other person on the planet my child had I been asked. Never. I vaccinated my child to protect her, not you or anybody else.

And deep down inside, as condescending and self-righteous and self-assured as you may be about what you think you know and why you know it and why I’m wrong, you know you are the same.

You know that you would never offer up your child to the greater good either if they asked for her, and you know you wouldn’t dare take that chance with another one of your children if you were in my shoes.

You just have the luxury of never having had to make that choice or live this life.

You should say, “Thank you” for that too.

~ Julie Bailey Obradovic

For more by Julie Bailey Obradovic, click here

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31 Responses to I Believe the Words You’re Looking for Are “Thank You”

  1. Sandra says:


    I am in tears reading your story. Thank you, thank you, thank you. My son Aidan and your daughter Eve were born just days apart, and like you, I had him vaccinated on schedule without missing a beat. I was so eager to protect my child, I even lined up and paid for additional vaccines (chicken pox, meningitis) which at the time were not covered under our OHIP plan here in Canada. I followed that immunization schedule to the “T”. I did the same for my daughter, who was born two years later. Though my children seemed to come through these vaccines unscathed, today my daughter is just about 12 years old, and deals with both vocal and motor tics and mood issues. I have many reasons to believe (too much medical history to go into here) that her issues, though mild in comparison to so many, could be a result of vaccine injury. And even if they are not due to vaccine injury, I know they could easily be. Our family doctor is, of course, very pro-vaccine, but I have chosen to find an amazing naturopath who agrees that the vaccine schedule is too much for these tiny bodies to handle. Through the naturopath we have done testing on her, and have found that her body is high in several heavy metals. We are in the process of trying to detox her now. And so, I made the decision to have my son opt out of his Grade 7 Meningitis and Hep B shots, and will do the same for my daughter in September when it is time for her to receive them. There will be no more vaccinations entering their bodies going forward. Most parents who are now opposed to vaccines were once, like me, the most diligent in ensuring that their own children were “protected”. Only after so many sleepless nights of research and learning have I come to this place where I have made a paradigm shift; I just can’t look at the pharmaceutical industry, the food industry, and the government in the same way anymore. If anything, my family’s experience is allowing us to see everything in a clearer light. Thank you for being an intelligent and compassionate voice of reason on this subject. Your story — Eve’s story — will make a difference. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

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  3. Courtney says:

    Such a powerfully written story, thank you for sharing. This testimony brought me to tears because it gave voice to what a lot of parents fear might happen to their child.I have agonized about vaccinating since before I even thought of having a child and now I know my questioning was not in vain. We are NOT stupid and selfish for asking, “is this safe for all?” I will never forget you and your daughter and I stand with you.

  4. NoC says:

    Thank you Julie. Very similar sentiments here. Our son is still around and thoughts of ‘ending it’ have crossed my mind. Thanks to prayers and improvements, they have dissipated. Blessings to you and the family as you continue to be so brave and speak out.

  5. erin leddy-denicola says:

    My 5 month old son received 4 vaccinations at 2 months…for the next 24 hours he screamed, was unable to sleep, barely ate and constantly arched his back (he is normally a very Zen baby). This scared me so much I was almost at the ER. His pediatrician told me this was normal. I have a 13 year old daughter who never had anything like this in response to vaccines. My gut is telling me to stop vaccinating him (I haven’t since), but family, friends, doctors are making my husband and I feel like doing so would put him in greater danger…we dont know what to do. Are there any support groups out there?

    • ProfessorTMR says:

      Please trust your instincts. I know many, many mothers who say they wish they had, and zero who say they wish they hadn’t. As far as vaccinating is concerned, you can always do it later, but you can never undo it.

  6. Joy says:

    Thank you for sharing your story about your sweet Eve. I will be praying for you all. Your voice and story are heard. We hear you. And it is a terrifying poignant and beautiful statement by a strong survivor of a mother who would shield the world if she could, but for the loss of her dearest one, and the dreams for her that are gone now, and the hope that rests in you will see you through, beautiful mom. He will never leave you.

  7. Allison says:

    I usually don’t comment on vaccine threads as of late because of the maliciousness that is going around. This is one of the most well-written, honest writings from a parent I have ever seen. While I don’t walk in your shoes, I know as a parent that it must be so tremendously difficult what you have gone through. I’ve had numerous people question our choices to lessen vaccines for our children and eventually not to give them at all. I’ve been accused of not wanting to protect the herd. The way you respond to that argument was well said. Bless you and your family and for being willing to share your story in a thoughtful and meaningful way. I hope it blesses many other families who walk in your shoes and perhaps can change hearts of those who don’t.

  8. Pingback: “Why is this a debate?” | Praise Him Eternally

  9. Britt says:

    When I was pregnant with my first child I got flu shot because my dr recommended it. Then a friend, whose child has vaccine induced autism, posted an article about how bad the flu shot was and could cause miscarriages. I lashed out in anger. Why? Because I wanted to be justified. I was scared of what I had done. I trusted my dr. It wasn’t until my precious daughter was born and my gut told me “no” when it was time for her 2 month vaccines (she only weighed 8lbs!) did I start to research. I said all of that to say that I get it. I get why ppl are cruel. I get why they are vicious. They are scared. If they are wrong, they are guilty. They are blinded by the media. They don’t want to know the truth. So thank you. Thank you for he truth. The honest, heart wrenching truth. My heart aches for you. For your daughter. For your family. Thank you for this post. I don’t talk about my kids vaccine status publicly. Only a few friends know. But I think I will have to share this. I want ppl to wake up. To see the truth. Ignorance may be bliss, but it’s deadly.

  10. nhokkanen says:

    Though many parents have shared this devastating experience, few have put it into words so eloquently.

    In hindsight, many of our family trees offer clues about potential genetic susceptibility. It’s tragic that the few vaccine researchers who’ve started looking into adverse event causality (e.g. Merck/Mayo Dr. Greg Poland’s 2009 “Vaccinomics” journal article) have retreated to party-line denials. Which, of course, continue to consign a subset of the population to a living hell.

  11. Paula says:

    As a military veteran, people thank me for my service quite regularly. But you know what? I volunteered. I volunteered to die if I had to protect others.

    Vax injured kids don’t volunteer. Parents of vax injured kids don’t volunteer. No one wanted this. “The greater good “, “taking one for the team”…no one gets thanks for that. I have medals on my chest…these kids get metals in thier brain. They didn’t volunteer to be the sacrificial lamb in the name of herd immunity.

    Knowing kids and families like these is what started me on my journey to research all the things “they” say are true.

    • Paula,

      I think that may be the most important, powerful, and healing comment I have ever received. Thank YOU for your service and for recognizing ours. When people finally realize that we have drafted children in the war on infectious disease, put them on the front lines with for profit products never tested for cumulative safety and without liability, failed to identify the vulnerable before placing them there, and then abandoned them when they were hurt by friendly fire, not only in treatment but by denying they exist, they will finally understand the rage and distrust this generation of mothers (best friends, grandparents, siblings, neighbors, etc. too) of fallen soldiers feels and the real reason for this controversy. Thanks, again.


  12. Gina Apilado says:

    Thank you for this. It speaks to my heart, and brings many of our own emotional memories to mind. The love of a mother knows no bounds. This beautifully-done entry offers us all a good dose of courage to continue sharing honestly, even to those who are unprepared for the message. I wish this suffering on no child, but sadly, there will be others. The possibility that just ONE may be spared renews our purpose to shed light on all aspects of a multi-faceted controversy, rife with secrets and cover-ups. How easily we parents hand over the one thing that is most precious to us, and allow others to make life and health decisions on our behalf. Devastating consequences never enter our minds until it’s too late, and the rich tapestry of our lives is irreparably torn and forever changed. Thank you… for sharing.

  13. Susan Pasquariello says:

    Julie ~ you are a powerful, intelligent, courageous, loving, truthful woman & Mom. From the bottom of my heart thank you for speaking the truth. You are the voice of many. My heart aches for your families painful experiences. May GOD & faith bring to you some comfort knowing that you are helping many who don’t have a voice or access to ALL the painstaking research your committed to. So thank YOU for all you do each day to spread the word of the injustices & lies that our government & drug companies continue to tell. GOD bless you & your family always …

  14. Miranda Hope says:

    My heart hurts reading these fierce, necessary and beautiful words. Lone Cassandra asserting truth before the Tsunami comes. I am so sorry that this happened to you, to your family, to beautiful Eve. And I am sorry that this happened to me and to my boy and to the hundreds of thousands of other children and their families. So many aspects of this epidemic are a nightmare, but the sarcasm and vitriol directed towards those of us who have, with clear, rational eyes, watched our children descend into illness, silence, solitude, and terrifying darkness is unacceptable. I really needed you to articulate all of this, from your head and your heart. Thank you.

  15. 35 years ago I vaccinated my infant son and he had those arching back, screaming symptoms. All I knew is that he was fine and after the vaccination, he wasn’t. I didn’t take him back for more until it was required for him to start school. An elderly friend told me how this happened to her son and he was never the same, different like down’s syndrome. (Now we would recognize him as autistic although in the 50’s there was no diagnosis). So I decided no vaccinations til they were required when they started school and they ended up requiring less because I waited.
    My sisters son had the same reaction but continued vaccinations, a lifetime of ear infections and autism. My brothers children same thing, 2 are autistic and they all have had constant ear infections, rounds of antibiotics (another issue I see has it’s own problems). My son in laws brother is severely autistic and had a violent reaction to vaccinations but the dr.s told his mother that there was no connection.
    Now I see that there are so many more vaccinations than there was before especially at younger ages. My daughter has chosen to not vaccinate her children. It’s bad enough we live in an agricultural valley where glyphosate is sprayed in the fields right before planting and at harvest in addition to the pesticides.
    I have a daughter who wasn’t vaccinated til late but she was exposed to the fruit fly spraying in Los Angeles. I read that they used heavy metals so the spray wouldn’t blow away. I know that it was very sticky because I was caught outside, it stuck to me for days and triggered a lifetime of autoimmune issues. Because I was nursing, I wonder if the malathion affected my daughter who has mild aspergers.

    This information matters. There is a huge amount of money behind the use of vaccines, herbicides, pesticides and chemicals of all sorts. If a company is making billions of dollars, you better believe they will protect themselves… align themselves with powerful politicians, create powerful lobbies, PAC’s and advertising campaigns to protect their profits.

  16. Jennifer Power says:

    That was perfect. I do not walk in your shoes but I know that it is mostly because of sheer luck with a tiny bit of mother’s instinct thrown in.

    Thank you, Julie, for speaking out and reminding us all that each life is precious and no life should be considered collateral damage in any war.

    May I share your post?


  17. judy horton says:

    As a mom of an autistic son with many of these symptoms, I feel lost. I find myself feeling as though I’m in an ocean searching for just ONE valid answer. There HAS to be a way out. I tire of asking the doctor for help and getting that deer in headlight, chirp chirp no one’s home look.

  18. Tracy says:

    I’m so sorry. Please know that the work you’ve done and the message you continue to share are not in vain. I did my research and still ultimately decided to vaccinate my infant daughter with single-dose, mercury free vaccinations simply because I couldn’t fathom that so many people (especially doctors) could be wrong! Fortunately my limited exposure to the anti-vaccine sentiments planted a much needed seed. I chose to delay her 2 month shots against the wishes of her pediatrician amidst a myriad of bizarre symptoms he could not explain. At nearly 4 months old, she received the barrage of scheduled 2 month vaccines and within 24 hours, her then improving symptoms spiraled sharply downward. I knew at that moment I would risk her sentience and perhaps her life if I continued to vaccinate her. She is 14 months old now and doing well, very social and engaging. We have since confirmed my early suspicions with lab tests, and learned that she suffers from immunodeficiency (among other things), and this experience has taken me on a radical and life-changing health journey.

    This posting brings tears to my eyes because I know how close we came, and if it were not for parents like you who continue to absorb the persecution and shout your message from the mountaintops, I think our story may have ended much differently. I’m so sorry for you, your daughter, and your family and I thank you for selflessly sharing your experience.

    • kh says:

      Thank you for your comment. I would like to do some blood tests before considering vaccinations for my two school aged children. Did you have to request the tests? Were you looking for something specifically? How would I know if one of my kids were immunodeficienct?

  19. Stephanie Rodriguez says:

    What is the connection between ear infections and autism or vaccines do you think? My son entered daycare at 2.5 and began a constant cycle of ear infections for months. Supposedly from being in daycare? I am curious about this. He was on a majorly delayed vax schedule and didn’t get his MMR till right before daycare started. Interesting. And he is allergic to the world include severely allergic to nuts and suffers from severe eczema which homeopathy has improved greatly. Would love to hear more in the ear infection connection.

    • ProfessorTMR says:

      Hi, Stephanie. Great question. Constant ear infections is a frequently heard theme in the autism community. When I was a kid in the ’60s, ear infections were NOT common. I had constant ear infections, but as an older child, and I was a freak. I only knew one other child who had ear infections as well. You never heard about young babies being plagued by ear infections. There is some reason to think that the constant early ear infections are caused or exacerbated by the constant early vaccines given today, but, shocker, no one seems to be curious as to WHY constant ear infections are epidemic these days. *eyeroll*

      The constant ear infections frequently lead to many rounds of antibiotics, which are known to kill beneficial bacteria as well as “bad” bacteria. Our bodies are dependent upon the correct balance of gut flora to work optimally, especially the immune system. Inappropriate gut flora (a.k.a. “gut dysbiosis”) is definitely linked to autism, which is why diets such as GFCF or the GAPS diet (Gut & Psychology Syndrome) seem to work so well for children with autism. The inappropriate gut flora probably also helps tilt the immune system toward the autoimmune inflammation frequently seen in children with autism as well.

  20. Liisa M. says:

    You have put into words so eloquently, what I have been trying to explain to people since my daughter’s similar regression post-vaccination. My heart breaks for you, for me, for our girls, and for all of the other parents and children who are victims of a corrupt and inherently flawed system. I often say I lost my child, too, because that is truly what it feels like. I had many hopes and dreams and plans for a “typical” daughter, and the moment that comprehension ceased to exist in her, the moment the fire left her eyes, was the moment she was lost, along with all of my dreams. The child she should have become is gone, and a new one was left in her place, a stranger, just a shadow of who she was. But I won’t lose hope. I am going to great lengths to heal her and bring her back to us, and I won’t stop until I find her again. She is my only child. So much love and many hugs to you. I know your pain all too well.

  21. Pingback: AnneDachel.com » Blog Archive » A mother’s story of vaccine injury–What the media never covers

  22. Laura Hayes says:

    I think “perfectly said” says it all. Thank you, Julie.

    I will be rereading this multiple times. And sharing it. And praying that this vaccine holocaust will end. And that the atrocities that were done to our children will be acknowledged. And that society will do its damnedest to help our children and our families, as we have been ostracized, maligned, marginalized, neglected, and refused proper and decent help. And that the church will get involved and speak out against what is being done to God’s precious children. And that we parents in the trenches will finally receive acknowledgement that what was done to our children was indeed done to our children, and that we will finally receive some heartfelt compassion for what we have endured, and will continue to endure.

  23. Lesley Earl says:

    I’m so sorry this has happened to you and your family. ;-(

  24. Karen says:

    Julie, I’m so sorry. For you, for Eve, for your husband and for you other children. My sister’s youngest also has autism, vaccine induced, by the MMR. He’s 19 now and is non-verbal. I know that they share your fears, your worry, your daily anguish. My heart goes out to her, to you and to all the other parents. I’d also like to say “thank you”, for speaking out publicly, for sharing information and research that the average parent would never hear. Because of you and my sister and others, I chose to not vaccinate my two children. I also have read a lot of the research and continue to share what I learn on social media, despite the constant eye-rolling that I’m sure my posts elicit. But I won’t stop exposing the truth about vaccines…for my nephew Danny, for your daughter Eve, and for the millions of other children that have sacrificed so much for the “greater good” and for the evil greed that permeates every branch of our government. God bless you and your beautiful family.

  25. Nicki says:

    My heart just aches for this horrible injustice. I can’t put into words how I feel but I send you all my love and support. You and all the families walking through this same painful truth.

  26. Sylvia F says:

    Beautifully written and so compelling. I resonate with almost every sentence. The guilt over what might have been…..”on my watch” and “at my hand” are phrases that stab their way into my consciousness. I can only pray that momentum develops. That the public educates itself. And not just about vaccines but about the myriad of poisons that are being pumped into our children, many in our food supply. To save even one more child from the kind of devastation that you and I and millions of other parents and children have suffered would be a huge comfort.

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